Friday, May 29, 2009

Fine and Sexy...I mean CRAZY

Have you ever been sooo attracted to someone you come across...and you put on your best game to get them to hang out with you/date you/fuck you? They are the hottest thing you have ever seen. All the features and "assets" you love to love! And then after a while, once you win the prize, have you started to see signs that maybe you shoulda left that pretty package on the shelf? This person has started to let their true colors come shining through! What a daunting wake up call! Now suddenly that hot specimen is so ugly to you that you wanna run the other way screaming.

The two most "beautiful" people I have ever dated turned out to be the worst decisions I have ever made in my short life. Upon first meeting both of them my immediate reaction was "DAMN!! Looka dat booty...looka dat smile...looka dem eyes!!" So I made my move each time. One was a dude..the other was a lady. Beautiful on the outside but UGLY on the inside.


She was a curvy and chocolate-toned beauty. I mean pageant quality. Met her at work where all the dudes salivated over this woman. Never even thought I had a chance with her. She was super pretty with ample breasts, a tiny waist, and firm calf muscles. She was ambitious and mad confident. Always put together nicely. Wore expensive clothes and fly high-heels. Hair was shoulder length and never outta place. Music played when this gal walked by. I swear! I made comments that were nice and gentlemanly (as is my method) and she smiled often. We became friends and hung out for lunch a couple time, first with others and by default one day we ended up alone at lunch. We talked and laughed and found we had many things in common. At a co-workers party one night we spent the whole time crackin jokes about some of the people there and ended up back at her place afterwards. I didn't make any advances but she asked me to sleep over. I did. Hello?! LOL No sex...just holding. Turns out she appreciated my chivalry and we started to become an item. But as time went on, she would have outbursts for no damn reason. She was insanely jealous. She would break my CDs out of spite. She would have tantruns when things were not going her way. She would cuss me out under her breath but still loud enough for people to hear it and look like a freakin demon when we'd argue in public and stir up chaos at the same time. I think I was afraid of this chick by the time I decided to call it quits. She would kick my chair at work when she'd walk by! I was like... "What is this? High school?" She started dated another fella at work just to piss me off and she would hate it when I ignored them. CRAZY!!


Met him online (yeah I know)...anyway, he was HOT!! Yellow-bone, tall slim dancer/model. Perfect everything: skin, teeth, hazel eyes, curly mini-fro, plump bubble ass, washboard abs. He was even a lil shy at first and would blush when I'd tell him how good-looking he was (as if he had never heard that before!). I thought that was just adorable, ya'll. So we clicked and had dinner the first evening. I had met him in his city which was like an hour from me so I stayed the night. We did the touchy feely thing for a while and I got a little bored with that so I stopped. Next thing I knew he was on top of me like a jockey...slammed his tongue so far down my throat I was bout to choke. Then he yanked my pants off and swallowed my dick like it was nothing (I ain't no lil dude down there). He was gulping and slurping like he was starving for that shit. I was in awe. Couldn't even hardly moan from the change of his behaviour. I was liking the aggressiveness so I didn't complain. Every time we'd have sex it was some animal type stuff. Just raw and rough and sweaty. He would make these faces that would freak me smooth out!! This nigga LOVED some dick. But he had anger issues too. Got arrested for fighting and fired from a couple jobs for insubordination more than once while we dated. I woke up a few times and he was sittin in a chair staring at me. He'd cook and watch me it like he put something in it. He would tell me how I could never leave him with a straight face. Eventually he cheated and told me...that was my ticket out. Was only a couple months but felt like centuries. CRAZY!!

They say "You never COMPLETELY know a person. And "Pretty ain't everything" They also say that "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Sound advice, people, SOUND ADVICE!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Music Changed My Life

I was just thinking on the things that seem to have influenced me as a person. There are many... but I feel that MUSIC is easily the most powerful thing to ever really happen to me, aside from God of course. Music has the power to encourage or educate, to evoke laughter or a myriad of thought. Then there is baby-makin music and chill music and music that makes you dance. Even deeper than all of that, music can literally change you. I was listening to Jill Scott's "Who is Jill Scott" CD earlier and remembered vividly the very day that I first heard it in it's entirety. I was driving home from work on a rainy and cloudy afternoon with one of my homies. I had purchased it at lunch and waited until after work to open it up. I popped it in and allowed her words and sounds to gently massage and enlighten me. We both rode in total silence - hypnotized and captivated by the fresh sweetness of this voice, this force that was taking us on a journey of answering the question: "Who is Jill Scott?". That was one of the most powerful moments that I have experienced with music. (Congrats to her and her fiance, by the way, on the birth of her first baby - JETT HAMILTON ROBERTS born on April 20th) There are some other CDs/albums that have done the same type of thing to me. They mark significant and memorable times in my life and they never ever get old to me. Most of them were introductions by artists that I am now a huge fan of. I'm almost afraid to list them as I know the list is largely incomplete and as soon as I publish this post, there will be countless others that come to mind. But either way, I just took a quick mind inventory and here is what I came up with:


Jill Scott - Who is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol 1

Erykah Badu - Live

Norman Brown - After the Storm

Lalah Hathaway - Self-Titled

Will Downing - A Dream Fulfilled

Anita Baker - Rapture/Compositions

Donnie - Can't recall the CD name. Help!

Mary J. Blige - My Life

Milira - Back Again

Jennifer Hudson - Self-Titled

Ledisi - Lost & Found


Kim Burrell - Everlasting Life

Israel Houghton - Live From Another Level

Sunny Hawkins - More of You

Fred Hammond - Pages of Life

Donnie McClurkin - Live in London

Kirk Franklin - The Rebirth

Donald Lawrence - Law of Confession

Kim McFarland - New Life

What has changed your life? Any significant music?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Is image really EVERYthing?

I have a friend of a friend who is not yet even 30 years old and is in the middle of doing some cosmetic enhancing processes. He is not a bad looking dude by any means - he's actually kinda cute, which is why I chose to write on this topic in the first place.
He is to have surgery on his mid section (lipo-suction or something), a brow lift, stretching his chin somehow, and a chemical peel. All these procedures seem so unnecessary in my view. But I also see flaws with my own look that I have wished were different at one time or another. Like my lips and nose. They LOL It used to make me self-conscious through my teen years but I have since embraced my ethnic features and it hasn't seemed to block me from attracting attractive people. You feel me? As a matter of fact, I get mad love for my full lips now but I was teased as a kid. Granted, I know there is more to it than attraction. I guess. But I don't have the personal goal of becoming a super model or to be propped up sittin in front of a movie camera. I ALMOST get it when film, television, print media, and music stars feel the need to stay pretty but what about the average Joe. Is it really that serious? Folks have to go through various stages of psychological evaluations to be approved for cosmetic surgery from what I understand. Is the answer always "I just want to look better!"?

And what about the inherent dangers of going under the plastic surgeon's knife? I have seen faaaar too many mutilated faces. People who no longer even look like themselves. Can you imagine passing a mirror and having to take a second glance because you don't recognize your own face? Frightening. The two best known cases I can come up with are Micheal Jackson and unfortunately...Lil Kim. They both were nice looking individuals. Natural, ethnic. Then they changed little by little until it was way too much . In my opinion they both appear artificial to me. Like plastic bots. I appreciate their art, their craft, their contributions to entertainment, but I can hardly look at them without shaking my head in curiosity and awe.

I just wonder if we are sickeningly obsessed with youth and beauty. I know it's not just the gay men's plight but this generation or probably more so this society and era of fashion and Next Top Models that makes people fulfill the urge to have their faces rearranged just to remain relevant and desirable.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Call Your Mom

I think I brushed past Mother's Day last Sunday because it was easier for me not to acknowledge it rather than sulk and cry over the fact that I have experienced the second Mother's Day without my beautiful mother. But as the week stumbled on, I couldn't get her off my mind. I didn't pay tribute or anything and I guess I'm feeling bad because last year, I found so much lethargic release when I wrote about Mom.

I'm wondering if it was attempt to avoid sad feelings or just "get over" my loss. I don't want to ever "get over" losing my mother. You only get one! Sure, there are other women who may step in and give needed nurturing, or maybe others, like a Godmother, or Grandmother or Aunt, have always been there to share the role. And they should be appreciated also.

I am, to this day, still a true mama's boy and I'm not ashamed of that... I love my Mom with all my heart and miss her dearly. Every time something great happens or I need to vent, I immediately think "I need to call Mom". Then reality sets in. It's not a good feeling.

I don't know if you did something special for yours on Mother's Day but if not, don't feel as though that's the only day that you should show appreciation and love to her. You don't want to look up one day and find out she's gone and you never gave her flowers while she was alive to smell them.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Green-Eyed MONSTER

During the sermon today, my Pastor made a simple yet profound statement. He said "Jealousy is the fear of being replaced". I was astounded and was hung on that simple truth for the rest of the day! I have so often wondered what is the cause of that adverse reaction when someone is in your "territory". When we feel that someone will step in and be a better version of us....leaving us out in the cold.
Envy is slightly different. Envy speaks to wanting what someone else has. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is your wanting to become THEIR replacement. Interesting? I thought so.

I thought of the numerous times in relationships, especially when we learn what it is that our partner is drawn to or appreciates in a mate, we have the green-eyed monster rise up in us when those traits are in the room or perhaps have caught out lover's eye. How many times have you asked "What you lookin over there for!?" or "You see something you like?!" or "I see you peepin that nigga!" LOL A fight is sure to erupt after such jealousy-enduced outburts.
At what point does one get jealous? Just from a glance or stare? Or when there is conversation with that person? Or when there are phone numbers being exchanged? Or when our mate leaves the room to take certain phone calls? Or when he/she has become suspect of spending too damn much time with someone else? Memories are poppin up, huh? LOL Yeah I been through it too.

How does one control jealously, though? Is it all based in trust? Or is there a need for a complete mind change within ourselves first? Getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of your partner, it means getting a handle on your own emotions. But how do you do that? Or is it even necessary?? I've also heard it said that jealousy is a GOOD thing. It's been said that true love is jealous because it's the right relationship. A husband should jealously guard his love with his wife, and vice versa, because it's an exclusive right relationship. But there has to be a demarcation point, a thin dividing line that prevents that emotion from becoming fatal attraction or some shit.

I'm going to say the best practice would be openly communicating with your sweetheart to establish boundaries and simply give mutual respect. The Golden Rule goes a long way here. I wouldn't dare say I have it under control. I still roll my eyes when Soldierboy holds a glance for too long. But because I know I look too, I keeps my head together and move on with life because it's too damn short to be trippin off my overactive imagination or the fear of being replaced.