tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754582149174074322024-03-12T21:51:13.327-04:00The Way I See It is...Everything affects me. What I see, hear, touch, taste, and feel.... and I will likely have an opinion on it. You may not agree but hursh and listen cause I got somethin to say! LOL
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<b>THE MUSIC OF MY LIFE</b>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-38386348660079472352011-07-06T15:47:00.006-04:002011-07-06T16:21:47.103-04:00Emotional Rollercoaster<div>Hi guys! Sooo yeah, it's been ages right? I think some followers have fallen away and I see many of those I was/am following have kinda slipped into the shadows too, no new blog updates in like...forever. Thing with me is I have been beat up, down, and all around for the past year and a half. Relocated, leaving Soldierboy and Shine and countless friends and newfound family in the past, so to speak. I mean I do still communicate with both of them on a platonic level. Soldierboy and I have actually been quite cordial and spark up nostalgia often in our convos. He's the genuine article I must admit. I miss the nigga...alot, and often. *sigh* But there all many miles between us now and he's kinda moved on.</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>Fast forward to the<span style="color:#000099;"> <em>present</em></span> present (LOL) I have been on a fuckin <span style="color:#cc0000;">rollercoaster</span> ride with this new dude in my new city. I will call him Supastar. This guy was after me for months on end and I resisted for several reasons. Knew he wasnt ready for a serious relationship and refused to give up the ass when I tried to tap it so I wasn't wasting my time. Shit...... anyway, eventually I gave in and fell in love when I let my guard down. What does this fool do? He stomps on my heart. Not intentionally I'm sure, but he does, nonetheless. Don't know how to act. Don't know how to communicate, avoids calls and texts... NOBODIES phone dies that often, dude. I ain't stupid. Then he gets defensive and runs away when I confront him. I get pissed and tell him to go to hell and then guess what I do? Go right back. As soon as he calls and says he wants to see me I'm there. He smiles and I crumble, smellin all good and lookin all sexy. FUCK! I hate love.... </div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5626337028903418034" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o77BfdNbOdM/ThTDt9pqOLI/AAAAAAAAAMU/qcSYXffGIg4/s400/emot.png" /> <br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><p></p><br /><p><em><span style="font-size:130%;color:#cc0000;">"I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. Loving you ain't nothing healthy, loving you was never good for me. but I can't get off."</span></em></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-31715942233633515362009-08-13T03:55:00.004-04:002009-08-13T04:29:48.105-04:00Hiding in plain sight<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SoPOr97GhNI/AAAAAAAAALs/sWJb3w9ZSYM/s1600-h/Hiding.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369362435507913938" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 281px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SoPOr97GhNI/AAAAAAAAALs/sWJb3w9ZSYM/s400/Hiding.jpg" border="0" /></a>What am I afraid of? WHO am I afraid? Must be something or someone.....<br /><div></div><br /><div>Here I am - a somewhat frequent blogger. Sharing intimate thoughts and details about my life and love and dreams and fears and desires to people who are hella cool - you all. People who share the same types of things often....but yet I don't reveal my true identity. </div><div></div><br /><div>I think it's because I share things about people that I don't think they would appreciate me sharing. I also share things about myself that I don't want many people to know... some things I may not want ANYONE that I associate with to find out. UGH!!! The life is a serious struggle. Even in accepting my sexuality, I still don't expect others to accept it. Especially certain family members and church associates. Yes, this stigma still exists and I deal with it. This is the cross I choose to bear, I suppose. I feel I'm hiding right on the world wide web for all to see...but not really see me. <strong>Hiding in plain sight</strong>.</div><div></div><br /><div>I'm just glad to have an outlet here where like minds can share and interact and hopefully not be judged because of it. I try to give my thoughts and ideas and feedback on your blogs and I enjoy reading them. </div><div></div><br /><div>I guess this was just a way to vent and say thanks at the same time...............</div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-48372065676111791282009-08-03T06:30:00.009-04:002009-08-03T07:49:04.986-04:00HORNY Wrestling<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SnbN6nWVyoI/AAAAAAAAALk/FZ9PPlZwISc/s1600-h/wrestling1.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5365702412937316994" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SnbN6nWVyoI/AAAAAAAAALk/FZ9PPlZwISc/s400/wrestling1.bmp" border="0" /></a>You know what? I am trippin!! OK, let me see if I can get this story out. My mind is so sooo blown. <div><div></div><br /><div>I've been hangin out with my homies alot lately, now that I'm not caught up in a semi-sorta-kinda relationship with Soldierboy or anyone else for that matter, and I've recently moved closer to where they all live. Anyway, check it out... the other day I was over my good homies crib alone with his younger brother. I will call him Pretty Tony cause he is beautiful - lookin like Columbus Short (Stomp The Yard, Cadillac Records).</div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5365702019074937602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 213px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SnbNjsGO0wI/AAAAAAAAALc/CKjChLmDYpo/s320/columbus.jpg" border="0" /></div><div align="center"><em><strong><span style="color:#006600;">Columbus Short</span></strong></em><br /></div><br /><div></div><div></div><div>Pretty Tony and I joke and kid each other on the regular. I had come to consider him like a brother also since he confides in me about some things and he thinks I'm funny. LOL He's only 21 and has a cute little girlfriend. I tease them and I'm cool with her too. Back to the other day (Saturday) - he decides he wants to fake anger over something smart I said and begins wrestling with me. Punchin at me and slap-boxing. It was hella funny and when we made physical contact we ended up on the floor. He starts biting me softly and it's turning me the hell on. He smells like a fresh shower and even his breath is on point! I'm trying like hell to bring my mind in cause my dick is happily aware of the pleasure of this grappling and close proximity to this young stud with a hard body in nothing but basketball shorts. He's making me say "Uncle" and call him "The Best".... I'm thinking, "The best WHAT, NEGRO?" LOL Let me find out.... LOL I grab his ass and he laughs....I lick his nipple cause it's close to my mouth, damnit... he laughs. I'm testing this dude left and right and he just laughs.. Uh huh, keep on laughing boy.... We haven't had the gay talk but I get the idea that he knows wasup even though he asks me about my sexcapades <em>specifically</em> with women. </div><br /><div>So I "give" and he jumps up like some damn champion but I notice his dick was hard too. Now I'm sweating from my dirty imagination going wild. I grab his dick through the shorts in the most non-sexual way possible (as if) and I'm prepared for him to pounce on me again. He does... and grabs my dick too by the shaft and squeezes a little (it's hard, remember). I don't wanna give the impression that I'm going to try him so I throw him off me and we are BOTH laughing hyterically. I was hot and bothered for the rest of the day. I had to go home and bust one! Granted, my body wants to turn this fella out but it would be CRAZINESS if his brother were to find out. Either way, I don't want to be the one responsible for him loving booty and dick. I will just stick to my fantasies. That's good, right? What would YOU have done? Shit! <strong>LMAO</strong></div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-8146625929339473902009-07-27T03:50:00.005-04:002009-07-27T04:55:26.460-04:00Accepting Love Applications<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sm1oaaioRCI/AAAAAAAAALM/8z9sRagwxcY/s1600-h/zkisses.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5363057534278583330" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sm1oaaioRCI/AAAAAAAAALM/8z9sRagwxcY/s400/zkisses.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I'm in a wierd place in my life right now! I mean it's one thing to MAKE changes but it's quite another to find yourself GOING THROUGH changes. *sigh*</div><div></div><br /><div>Soldierboy and I are less than friends now...screw a relationship. That's out the window. </div><div></div><br /><div>Shine and I are the greatest of friends now...I can only wish he would just let me in but I respect his boundaries and I've decided to move on. A little self-respect helped that decision. LOL I'm good now on the subject of Shine. I think. No, I'm sure. The butterflies have flown away and the sweaty palms have dried up. My heart rate increases but no longer skips a beat when I see him. I have pressed the STOP button my list of sappy love songs that make me think of him. I don't daydream about "us" anymore. I love his girlfriend and we all hang out together. I've accepted the situation... Yeah, I'm resolved.</div><div></div><br /><div>So now I can move on. Like India.Aries says - "I am ready for Love". I can allow myself to be open to some of these kats that been tryna holla. A date won't hurt. A dinner? A beach outting? A wine tasting? A show of some sort? I can handle that. Don't want to go back online (A4A, BGC, etc.) to find anyone. Been there, been burned. I know there are good guys there but shuffling through the garbage is exhausting!!! Garbage stinks, and I'm tryna stay fresh so I'm not defensive and insecure and chronically untrusting when I do meet a dude. I flirt often but I guess I'm ready to let that flirting lead to something (besides sex). I will put some effort in getting to know a new somebody. And I will need to have some qualifications for that potential person to fill the open position, right? We all have preferences! So let me see.............. </div><div align="center"></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><em>In no particular order:</em></div><div></div><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Over 25</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Handsome but not pretty</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Open minded</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Employed</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Goal-oriented</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Lover of Arts</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Positive Outlook</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Kind </strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Sexually Versatile</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>At least minimally health concious/Physically active</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>God-fearing Christian</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Communicative</strong></span></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>Black/Latino</strong></span></div><br /><div align="center"><strong><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span></strong></div><div align="left">Damn, it sho would be nice. I can admit to being lonely lately. I love me and I'm cool with spending time with ME. But since I believe myself to be a cool, romantic, mature fella with the above qualities, then I would like to share my life, my world, my love with someone who is a ride or die type brotha. So yep, I'm now open for business.</div><br /><br /><div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-59963508769875982612009-07-22T06:50:00.010-04:002009-07-22T07:25:56.178-04:00Smooth ran out of Gas!<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SmbxwAr3qrI/AAAAAAAAALE/b7B2FolZMlk/s1600-h/outtagas.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5361238213551172274" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 290px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SmbxwAr3qrI/AAAAAAAAALE/b7B2FolZMlk/s400/outtagas.jpg" border="0" /></a> <div>You ever just wanna bitch-slap your damn self? Why, oh why did I just decide to push my poor car to the limit before filling her up with fuel, gasoline, petrol? It's not like I didn't see the needle creepin down to the great big "<strong>E</strong>"..... I just kept saying, "Oh, I will get gas later at a place with lower prices"(I mean they ARE going down after all)...well, later turned into much later and then that turned into "I forgot!" This don't make no damn sense! I know we all do absent-minded things, but how come I choose to run out of gas when I knew better? Thank GOD above that I was just getting off the highway when it happened! This coulda been a serious fatality or something when I think about it! Anyway, I'm glad I have roadside assistance, because your boy was dressed all spiffy and fly and I was not about to be tramping up the side of the road in my good shoes in 90+ degree heat with a red plastic gas can in tow. Well, I guess I WOULD have if circumstances demanded such, but good car insurance is good to have, people! </div><div></div><br /><div>Turns out that by repeatedly driving on an empty tank, you can permanently ruin your fuel pump. A vehicle’s fuel pump is responsible for bringing gasoline from the tank to the engine and is lubricated by the fuel that is in the gas tank. Therefore, once your gas starts to run out, there isn’t anything to lubricate and/or cool the pump. This makes the fuel pump work that much harder to pull whatever gasoline is left from the bottom of the tank. Most mechanics tend to agree that motorists should never wait until the gas tank light comes on. Rather, it is suggested that it is best to fill up on gasoline once you see that your gas tank is 1/4 of the way full. This is even more important during the summer months when the weather is much warmer because heat is the number one thing that kills fuel pumps. </div><div></div><br /><div>ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!! Lesson learned. I was so effin embarrassed I didn't even tell anybody! LMAO Don't be a fool like me... keep an eye on the needle........</div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-72053702636377411542009-07-17T10:29:00.004-04:002009-07-17T10:45:18.910-04:00Welcome her back ya'll!<div align="center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SmCOU_10fYI/AAAAAAAAAK8/T_kjBJD9duE/s1600-h/whitney_album.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5359440047956589954" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SmCOU_10fYI/AAAAAAAAAK8/T_kjBJD9duE/s400/whitney_album.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />This cover speaks volumes. She is coming back hard and with a vengeance. I'm excited. I don't always talk up CD releases but you have to remember, this woman was a childhood crush for me. LOL<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>CD Title: " I Look To You "</strong><br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><br /><strong>Street Date: September 1, 2009</strong><br /></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-62788092591054767342009-07-06T04:17:00.009-04:002009-07-06T05:50:25.251-04:00Wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY!<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SlHHIyu5zzI/AAAAAAAAAK0/PocU3z5a8F8/s1600-h/happy_birthday_cake.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5355280385791610674" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 316px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SlHHIyu5zzI/AAAAAAAAAK0/PocU3z5a8F8/s320/happy_birthday_cake.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SlHFAf0PK7I/AAAAAAAAAKs/EsI3JLvNrDs/s1600-h/happy_birthday_cake.jpg"></a>I got a "HAPPY BDAY SEXY" text at 12:04 AM. It was the first birthday wish I received...and it was from Shine. SHIT, I miss that nigga! Excuse my language but I'ma say it how I feel. So anyway, yep... I'm another year older...or should I say better? In my eyes, I'm better because I have grown and learned and matured and settled on some things over the part year. But by the end of the day I will be subject to the long line of questions from my family especially: "Sooo you're not married yet?" "When you gonna buy a house?" "We just ain't gon get NO kids outta you, huh?". Now, as much as it will be nice hearing from them and I know there will various forms of celebration going on today, I will be worn to shreds by the time I lay down it tonight.<br /><div><div></div><br /><br /><div>I plan on hookin up with the homies and getting dinner, playing pool and having some drinks. I kinda want some cake too. My sweet-tooth is on level 10!! WTF? LOL We're not doin much... I mean it IS Monday!! But this coming weekend, it will be hell to pay for somebody's city cause we gon ack a fool. LOL I want to write down things I wanna do while out of town so I don't forget. I'm thinkin me and the fellas may drive up to DC for a couple days. I have to finalize with them tonight. Sure, we COULD have celebrated this past weekend but something I have always hated is having my birthday so close to a holiday! Don't combine my festivities with all that other foolishness! LOL I'm special. DAMNIT! LOL </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Soldierboy and I have grown more apart over the past 6 or 8 weeks and I'm cool with that. I don't really need <strong><em>BIRTHDAY SEX</em></strong> if it's out of obligation but I sure as hell need some <strong><em>BIRTHDAY SEX</em></strong> from some damn body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have to write that one down! My little big man in my pants will constantly remind me of what he needs! (wink) So if you were wondering what to get me, I will be accepting that gift.....oh, and money is never out of style either! LMAO <div></div><br /></div><div>I'm excited. I turned 35 and it feels pretty good. Some peeps didn't live to see this age. Gets you thinkin... ya know?</div><div></div><br /><br /><div>And it IS gonna be a good year. I swear! </div></div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-66719910236570176942009-06-26T04:47:00.012-04:002009-06-26T06:24:34.982-04:00Missing Michael<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SkSMpqXj2jI/AAAAAAAAAKc/KXSBU1E7N1s/s1600-h/Michael-Jackson-King-Of-Pop.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351556904598624818" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 399px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SkSMpqXj2jI/AAAAAAAAAKc/KXSBU1E7N1s/s400/Michael-Jackson-King-Of-Pop.jpg" border="0" /></a> This is craziness...I have b<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">een</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">thinkin</span> of what I can say about the terrible loss that the <strong>ENTIRE WORLD</strong> is now feeling over Michael Jackson's sudden death at 2:26PM PST on June 25<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span>, 2009.<br /><div></div><br /><div>I was just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">searchin for</span> my favorite songs by him last week while I created <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">playlists</span> on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">imeem</span>.com. But all day yesterday while I sat with my eyes welling up as I watched the news reports, I remembered my own experiences and wonderment at this super icon..the greatest entertainer of all time! I think back to the day we bought the "Thriller" record with his picture imprinted on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">both</span> sides in full color. Haven't seen anyone do that before or since! I think of the crazy talented dance moves he INVENTED (think Moonwalk) and the creative and compelling videos he released to his fans. I think of my sisters' walls covered in his posters. I think of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">MJ</span> doll at the house - complete with the legendary zippered leather jacket and the sparkly glove (left hand ONLY!) :) I think of the Pepsi commercial. I think of his perfect jheri curl and babyhair on the sides. I think of his interesting and influential fashion-sense. I think of "We are the World".</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div></div><div>I wish he was able to make that comeback he dreamed of...that 50-date tour. I wish the media didn't rip him to pieces over bad choices. I wish he didn't have to resort to living his childhood throughout his adult years because his childhood was pounded out on stage under the strict ruling hand of his father, Joe, who reportedly called him "Big Nose". I wish <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">alot</span> of things for him...now I simply pray his family is encouraged and comforted during their time of bereavement. The first of the Jackson children is gone ya'll, and sadly one of the youngest. He would have been 51 years old in August.</div><div></div><br /><div>Even if you didn't necessarily like him, you HAD to respect him for his ability to make people scream and cry and pass out just at the sight of him... Plus he defined music and dance for nearly 40 years.</div><div></div><br /><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ff0000;">YOU WILL BE MISSED MICHAEL JACKSON!! </span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ff0000;">August 28, 1958 - June 25, 2009</span></strong></div><div><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><em></em></div><div><em></em></div><div><em>*Check out this HOT live MJ mix that a DJ from Florida did at the club last night!</em></div><div><a href="http://www.zshare.net/audio/618787244950a135/">http://www.zshare.net/audio/618787244950a135/</a></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-29547344458607207742009-06-11T02:41:00.000-04:002009-06-11T02:59:18.546-04:00Maybe I...<em>...complain too much<br /><br /><br /><br />...want the best out of life but...<br /><br />...don't allow the best in my life<br /><br /><br /><br />...have a wall up that turns certain people off<br /><br /><br /><br />...fall in love too easily but...<br /><br />...am too selfish to have only one sex partner so...<br /><br />...wasn't cut out for a relationship. Could it be?<br /><br /><br /><br />...feign confidence to cover insecurity<br /><br /><br /><br /></em><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SjCqZRBOPEI/AAAAAAAAAKU/J8Anrg-mndM/s1600-h/depression.jpg"><em><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5345960108730760258" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 267px" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SjCqZRBOPEI/AAAAAAAAAKU/J8Anrg-mndM/s400/depression.jpg" border="0" /></em></a><br /><em>...should never have gotten married or...<br /><br />...should have just stayed married<br /><br /><br /><br />...am too scared to actually capture my dreams<br /><br /><br /><br />...fear failure AND fame<br /><br /><br /><br />...should just pack up and move to D.C. like I've been contemplating<br /><br /><br /><br />...wish my mom was still alive<br /><br /><br /><br />...have addictions that include drugs or alcohol<br /><br /><br /><br />...want more than I deserve<br /><br /><br /><br />...tend to bite off more than I can chew<br /><br /><br /><br />...am just hurt, confused, perplexed, and stressed<br /><br /><br /><br />...could be happy if I accept happiness<br /><br /><br /><br />...choose to refuse depression. But who wants that anyway?<br /><br /><br /><br />...just don't know<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Maybe</strong></em>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-76829299375457564422009-06-05T07:56:00.001-04:002009-06-05T08:42:01.230-04:00Did you wash them hands??<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SikN1SyWREI/AAAAAAAAAKM/7XdMKLl3D0o/s1600-h/washing-hands1_Full.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343817642079044674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SikN1SyWREI/AAAAAAAAAKM/7XdMKLl3D0o/s320/washing-hands1_Full.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Why is that such a hard thing to do? While I admit that I am somewhat of a germ-o-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">phobe</span>, it just makes sense to me that after you take a piss, drain the lizard, pay the water bill, urinate, pee...and certainly if you do #2, that you would stop by the sink and put that soap and water to good use!</div><div></div><br /><div>I'm so bad that if go to the men's room in a public place and do my biz and wash my hands, I get furious if there are no paper towels to grab the door knob with. I understand the whole <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">GOIN</span> GREEN thing and we don't wanna use up <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">alot</span> of paper and create waste...I get that but I can air dry my hands <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">alllll</span> day and go to open the door and have to touch that infested door knob because the last nasty ass didn't wash his grimy hands. So I stand there staring at the door like "How am I supposed to get outta here?!?" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">LOL</span> I've had to enlist toilet paper or the bottom of my shirt (UGH) to grab the handle and pull the door open. </div><div></div><br /><div>I may have to just start carrying hand sanitizer in my pocket at all times. </div><div></div><br /><div><strong>EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">RETURNING</span> TO WORK!!!!!!</strong></div><div></div><br /><div>I know we've all seen those signs posted in restaurants and other places where the employee have to handle food, but it got to the point at my office job, that they put up a sign in the men's room here too. It's necessary when you consider sharing equipment, drink fountains, vending machines, shaking hands etc...plus it's just good <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">hygiene</span> and prevents sickness! Why does someone have to tell a grown man to wash his damn hands?</div><div></div><br /><div>Told you I had a hint of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">OCD</span>. Guess it could be worse though.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-7400837969102126772009-05-29T06:11:00.000-04:002009-05-29T15:19:44.130-04:00Fine and Sexy...I mean CRAZY<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sh-2wqip5sI/AAAAAAAAAKE/T0VdaJFLWQE/s1600-h/twofaced.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341188630254315202" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 309px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sh-2wqip5sI/AAAAAAAAAKE/T0VdaJFLWQE/s320/twofaced.bmp" border="0" /></a> Have you ever been <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sooo</span> attracted to someone you come across...and you put on your best game to get them to hang out with you/date you/fuck you? They are the hottest thing you have ever seen. All the features and "assets" you love to love! And then after a while, once you win the prize, have you started to see signs that maybe you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">shoulda</span> left that pretty package on the shelf? This person has started to let their true colors come shining through! What a daunting wake up call! Now suddenly that hot specimen is so ugly to you that you wanna run the other way screaming.<br /><div></div><br /><div>The two most "beautiful" people I have ever dated turned out to be the worst decisions I have ever made in my short life. Upon first meeting both of them my immediate reaction was "DAMN!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Looka</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dat</span> booty...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">looka</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dat</span> smile...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">looka</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dem</span> eyes!!" So I made my move each time. One was a dude..the other was a lady. Beautiful on the outside but UGLY on the inside.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>'<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">OL</span> GIRL:</div><br /><div>She was a curvy and chocolate-toned beauty. I mean pageant quality. Met her at work where all the dudes salivated over this woman. Never even thought I had a chance with her. She was super pretty with ample breasts, a tiny waist, and firm calf muscles. She was ambitious and mad confident. Always put together nicely. Wore expensive clothes and fly high-heels. Hair was shoulder length and never outta place. Music played when this gal walked by. I swear! I made comments that were nice and gentlemanly (as is my method) and she smiled often. We became friends and hung out for lunch a couple time, first with others and by default one day we ended up alone at lunch. We talked and laughed and found we had many things in common. At a co-workers party one night we spent the whole time <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">crackin</span> jokes about some of the people there and ended up back at her place afterwards. I didn't make any advances but she asked me to sleep over. I did. Hello?! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">LOL</span> No sex...just holding. Turns out she appreciated my chivalry and we started to become an item. But as time went on, she would have outbursts for no damn reason. She was insanely jealous. She would break my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">CDs</span> out of spite. She would have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">tantruns</span> when things were not going her way. She would cuss me out under her breath but still loud enough for people to hear it and look like a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">freakin</span> demon when we'd argue in public and stir up chaos at the same time. I think I was afraid of this chick by the time I decided to call it quits. She would kick my chair at work when she'd walk by! I was like... "What is this? High school?" She started dated another fella at work just to piss me off and she would hate it when I ignored them. CRAZY!!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>'<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">OL</span> DUDE:</div><br /><div>Met him online (yeah I know)...anyway, he was HOT!! Yellow-bone, tall slim dancer/model. Perfect everything: skin, teeth, hazel eyes, curly mini-fro, plump bubble ass, washboard abs. He was even a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">lil</span> shy at first and would blush when I'd tell him how good-looking he was (as if he had never heard that before!). I thought that was just adorable, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">ya'll</span>. So we clicked and had dinner the first evening. I had met him in his city which was like an hour from me so I stayed the night. We did the touchy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">feely</span> thing for a while and I got a little bored with that so I stopped. Next thing I knew he was on top of me like a jockey...slammed his tongue so far down my throat I was bout to choke. Then he yanked my pants off and swallowed my dick like it was nothing (I ain't no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">lil</span> dude down there). He was gulping and slurping like he was starving for that shit. I was in awe. Couldn't even hardly moan from the change of his behaviour. I was liking the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">aggressiveness</span> so I didn't complain. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Every time</span> we'd have sex it was some animal type stuff. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">Just</span> raw and rough and sweaty. He would make these faces that would freak me smooth out!! This <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">nigga</span> LOVED some dick. But he had anger issues too. Got arrested for fighting and fired from a couple jobs for insubordination more than once while we dated. I woke up a few times and he was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">sittin</span> in a chair staring at me. He'd cook and watch me it like he put something in it. He would tell me how I could never leave him with a straight face. Eventually he cheated and told me...that was my ticket out. Was only a couple months but felt like centuries. CRAZY!!</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>They say "You never COMPLETELY know a person. And "Pretty ain't everything" They also say that "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Sound advice, people, SOUND ADVICE!</div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-73956590119722424122009-05-22T05:12:00.000-04:002009-06-05T08:44:05.651-04:00Music Changed My Life<p align="justify">I was just thinking on the things that seem to have influenced me as a person. There are many... but I feel that <span style="color:#330099;"><strong>MUSIC</strong></span> is easily the most powerful thing to ever really happen to me, aside from God of course. Music has the power to encourage or educate, to evoke laughter or a myriad of thought. Then there is baby-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">makin</span> music and chill music and music that <em><strong>makes</strong></em> you dance. Even deeper than all of that, music can literally change you. I was listening to Jill Scott's "Who is Jill Scott" CD earlier and remembered vividly the very day that I first heard it in it's entirety. I was driving home from work on a rainy and cloudy afternoon with one of my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">homies</span>. I had purchased it at lunch and waited until after work to open it up. I popped it in and allowed her words and sounds to gently massage and enlighten me. We both rode in total silence - hypnotized and captivated by the fresh sweetness of this voice, this force that was taking us on a journey of answering the question: "Who is Jill Scott?". That was one of the most powerful moments that I have experienced with music. (Congrats to her and her fiance, by the way, on the birth of her first baby - <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">JETT</span> HAMILTON ROBERTS born on April 20<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span>) There are some other <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">CDs</span>/albums that have done the same type of thing to me. They mark significant and memorable times in my life and they never ever get old to me. Most of them were introductions by artists that I am now a huge fan of. I'm almost afraid to list them as I know the list is <em><strong>largely</strong></em> incomplete and as soon as I publish this post, there will be countless others that come to mind. But either way, I just took a quick mind inventory and here is what I came up with:</p><p align="center"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340826223539310770" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sh5tJ0Um0LI/AAAAAAAAAJs/Gnm9vzxeuhw/s320/jillscott.jpg" border="0" /><br /><strong><span style="color:#cc0000;">R&B/Soul/Jazz</span></strong></p><br /><div align="center"><strong></strong></div><div align="center"><strong>Jill Scott - Who is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol 1</strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Erykah</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Badu</span> - Live</strong></div><p align="center"><strong>Norman Brown - After the Storm</strong></p><p align="center"><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Lalah</span> Hathaway - Self-Titled</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Will Downing - A Dream Fulfilled</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Anita Baker - Rapture/Compositions</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Donnie - Can't recall the CD name. Help!</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Mary J. Blige - My Life</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Milira - Back Again</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Jennifer Hudson - Self-Titled</strong> </p><p align="center"><strong>Ledisi - Lost & Found<br /></strong></p><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="color:#3333ff;">Gospel</span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong></strong></div><p align="center"><strong>Kim <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Burrell</span> - Everlasting Life</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Israel <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Houghton</span> - Live From Another Level</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Sunny Hawkins - More of You</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Fred Hammond - Pages of Life</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Donnie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">McClurkin</span> - Live in London</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Kirk Franklin - The Rebirth</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Donald Lawrence - Law of Confession</strong></p><p align="center"><strong>Kim McFarland - New Life</strong></p><p align="center"><strong></strong></p><p align="center"></p><p align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#009900;">What has changed your life? Any significant music?</span></em></strong></p>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-78104499731638196562009-05-19T02:49:00.000-04:002009-05-19T04:01:59.364-04:00Is image really EVERYthing?I have a friend of a friend who is not yet even 30 years old and is in the middle of doing some cosmetic enhancing processes. He is not a bad looking dude by any means - he's actually kinda cute, which is why I chose to write on this topic in the first place.<br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337438267239199394" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/ShJj0zlecqI/AAAAAAAAAJc/QpQ7vW12NMU/s320/mjackson.bmp" border="0" /> He is to have surgery on his mid section (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lipo</span></span>-suction or something), a brow lift, stretching his chin somehow, and a chemical peel. All these procedures seem so unnecessary in my view. But I also see flaws with my own look that I have wished were different at one time or another. Like my lips and nose. They are...um...ethnic. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">LOL</span></span> It used to make me self-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">conscious</span> through my teen years but I have since embraced my ethnic features and it hasn't seemed to block me from attracting attractive people. You feel me? As a matter of fact, I get mad love for my full lips now but I was teased as a kid. Granted, I know there is more to it than attraction. I guess. But I don't have the personal goal of becoming a super model or to be propped up <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">sittin</span></span> in front of a movie camera. I ALMOST get it when film, television, print media, and music stars feel the need to stay pretty but what about the average <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Joe</span>. Is it really that serious? Folks have to go through various stages of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">psychological</span> evaluations to be approved for cosmetic surgery from what I understand. Is the answer always "I just want to look better!"?<br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337438501604910178" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 125px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/ShJkCcqnZGI/AAAAAAAAAJk/ZKgVqkgPhsU/s400/lilkim.bmp" border="0" /> <p></p><p>And what about the inherent dangers of going under the plastic surgeon's knife? I have seen <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">faaaar</span></span> too many mutilated faces. People who no longer even look like themselves. Can you imagine passing a mirror and having to take a second glance because you don't recognize your own face? Frightening. The two best known cases I can come up with are Micheal Jackson and unfortunately...Lil Kim. They both were nice looking individuals. Natural, ethnic. Then they changed <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">little</span> by little until it was way too much . In my opinion they both appear artificial to me. Like plastic bots. I appreciate their art, their craft, their contributions to entertainment, but I can hardly look at them without shaking my head in curiosity and awe. </p>I just wonder if we are <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">sickeningly</span> obsessed with youth and beauty. I know it's not just the gay men's plight but this generation or probably <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">more so</span> this society and era of fashion and Next Top Models that makes people fulfill the urge to have their faces rearranged just to remain <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">relevant</span> and desirable.The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-56837946233899682562009-05-15T05:20:00.000-04:002009-05-15T06:01:29.597-04:00Call Your Mom<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sg06sLS3s4I/AAAAAAAAAJU/YO7wvw1OqRI/s1600-h/phone3.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335985664124498818" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 157px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sg06sLS3s4I/AAAAAAAAAJU/YO7wvw1OqRI/s200/phone3.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sg06gzKdwWI/AAAAAAAAAJM/b9ZiK8wovs0/s1600-h/phone2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335985468668232034" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sg06gzKdwWI/AAAAAAAAAJM/b9ZiK8wovs0/s200/phone2.jpg" border="0" /></a> <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335984577166878594" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 149px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sg05s6D-p4I/AAAAAAAAAJE/6tW5O3Y3XlE/s200/phone4.jpg" border="0" /> <div>I think I brushed past Mother's Day last Sunday because it was easier for me not to acknowledge it rather than sulk and cry over the fact that I have experienced the second Mother's Day without my beautiful mother. But as the week stumbled on, I couldn't get her off my mind. I didn't pay tribute or anything and I guess I'm feeling bad because last year, I found so much lethargic release when I wrote about Mom.<br /><div><div><div><div><div><br /><div>I'm wondering if it was attempt to avoid sad feelings or just "get over" my loss. I don't want to ever "get over" losing my mother. You only get one! Sure, there are other women who may step in and give needed nurturing, or maybe others, like a Godmother, or Grandmother or Aunt, have always been there to share the role. And they should be appreciated also.</div><div> </div><div><br /> </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>I am, to this day, still a true mama's boy and I'm not ashamed of that... I love my Mom with all my heart and miss her dearly. Every time something great happens or I need to vent, I immediately think "I need to call Mom". Then reality sets in. It's not a good feeling. </div><div> </div><div><br /> </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>I don't know if you did something special for yours on Mother's Day but if not, don't feel as though that's the only day that you should show appreciation and love to her. You don't want to look up one day and find out she's gone and you never gave her flowers while she was alive to smell them.</div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-76270408466554366252009-05-11T02:44:00.000-04:002009-05-12T02:51:23.688-04:00The Green-Eyed MONSTER<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SgfQ5WCuqmI/AAAAAAAAAIE/T7PK0sVv4vI/s1600-h/green+eye.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334461967231789666" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 149px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SgfQ5WCuqmI/AAAAAAAAAIE/T7PK0sVv4vI/s200/green+eye.jpg" border="0" /></a> <div>During the sermon today, my Pastor made a simple yet profound statement. He said "Jealousy is the fear of being replaced". I was astounded and was hung on that simple truth for the rest of the day! I have so often wondered what is the cause of that adverse reaction when someone is in your "territory". When we feel that someone will step in and be a better version of us....leaving us out in the cold. </div><div> </div><div> </div><div></div><div></div><div>Envy is slightly different. Envy speaks to wanting what someone else has. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is your wanting to become THEIR replacement. Interesting? I thought so. </div><div></div><br /><div>I thought of the numerous times in relationships, especially when we learn what it is that our partner is drawn to or appreciates in a mate, we have the <strong><span style="color:#009900;"><em>green-eyed monster</em></span></strong> rise up in us when those traits are in the room or perhaps have caught out lover's eye. How many times have you asked "What you lookin over there for!?" or "You see something you like?!" or "I see you peepin that nigga!" LOL A fight is sure to erupt after such jealousy-enduced outburts. </div><div> </div><div></div><div></div><div>At what point does one get jealous? Just from a glance or stare? Or when there is conversation with that person? Or when there are phone numbers being exchanged? Or when our mate leaves the room to take certain phone calls? Or when he/she has become suspect of spending too damn much time with someone else? Memories are poppin up, huh? LOL Yeah I been through it too.</div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334462074389077602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SgfQ_lPBHmI/AAAAAAAAAIM/10jfRUg-C8o/s200/jealous.bmp" border="0" /> <div></div><br /><div>How does one control jealously, though? Is it all based in trust? Or is there a need for a complete mind change within ourselves first? Getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of your partner, it means getting a handle on your own emotions. But how do you do that? Or is it even necessary?? I've also heard it said that jealousy is a GOOD thing. It's been said that true love is jealous because it's the right relationship. A husband should jealously guard his love with his wife, and vice versa, because it's an exclusive right relationship. But there has to be a demarcation point, a thin dividing line that prevents that emotion from becoming fatal attraction or some shit. </div><div></div><br /><div>I'm going to say the best practice would be openly communicating with your sweetheart to establish boundaries and simply give mutual respect. The Golden Rule goes a long way here. I wouldn't dare say I have it under control. I still roll my eyes when Soldierboy holds a glance for too long. But because I know I look too, I keeps my head together and move on with life because it's too damn short to be trippin off my overactive imagination or the fear of being replaced. </div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-63899474766041012212009-04-24T13:49:00.001-04:002009-04-25T00:35:49.964-04:00A pregnant and touring JHUD<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SfKR9HHgxSI/AAAAAAAAAH0/ZkTMNCvGOx0/s1600-h/jhud+preg.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328481788201321762" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 263px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SfKR9HHgxSI/AAAAAAAAAH0/ZkTMNCvGOx0/s320/jhud+preg.jpg" border="0" /></a> Reports are flying around that my girl Jennifer Hudson is with child! I can only hope that things are looking brighter and more fulfilling for this awesomely talented woman who has recently suffered great loss in her life. There is joy to be found in nurturing relationships, as she is engaged to be married to David Otunga (PUNK from I Love New York) and certainly through developing new life. And speaking of New York... looks like she has a brand new 'reality show' coming up on VH1. I love her sassy attitude and raw over-the-top bitchiness but enough already! LOL Now back to topic<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SfKSI1axo_I/AAAAAAAAAH8/o9RlFF9yEYo/s1600-h/new+york.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328481989608711154" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 179px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SfKSI1axo_I/AAAAAAAAAH8/o9RlFF9yEYo/s200/new+york.bmp" border="0" /></a>... JENNIFER HUDSON could be a Mommy soon and that puts a smile on my face. Building family will be good for her and not taint her career, I believe, since she is viewed as a good girl...a wholesome 'old soul' of a woman. I wish her well and I'm waiting on my wedding invite in the mail. I had the wonderful pleasure of seeing her in concert the other night by the way!!! Robin Thicke opened the show (aaaand that's about all I wanna say about him. LOL He's OK, I'm just not a big fan.) Anyway, Jennifer did a great job for her first tour. Had peeps in the audience sing along on some songs. Some of them might actually need a record deal. Others were painful to listen to. She enjoyed hearing fans make a fool of themselves. LOL I enjoyed it too. She was very personable from stage (which looked like a crap with nothin more than a metal staircase thrown in the middle). I'ma need somebody to invest some money into her stage set. Low budget tour at it's finest. But indeed a nice effort for the first-time out. Anybody else seen the show or got thoughts? She is denying th pregnancy, by the way... hmmmmmThe Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-48560696896654462722009-04-22T11:30:00.000-04:002009-04-24T13:35:19.547-04:00I hate it when you call me "Pa"!I am a friendly guy. I have made several acquaintances and endearing friendships through cyberspace via social networking sites, instant messenger etc.. you get the picture! And after chatting for a while it's SOMETIMES nice to exchange phone numbers to become more accessible to those you have come to be comfy with and find mutual interests, lifestyles, or mindsets. Granted... this practice has backfired on me. Often dudes or ladies get tooo comfortable and want to text or call me at all hours - sending me those idiotic chain texts or asking me "What you doin?" at 3:00 in the frickin morning! I'm sleep, fool!!! Anyway, another such issue has popped up. Met this young dude. Wasn't tryna date him, get with him, sleep with him, NOTHING! Just being a nice guy since he seemed sane and mature. How bout this fella sends me a text almost every hour on the hour?? And what makes it worse, is that he calls me "Pa" like he invented the term! The first time I was called "Pa" (by someone else) was cute, even sexy. I liked it and even adopted it into my vocab when speaking to certain peeps. But this is waaaaaay outta hand now. LOL<br /><br /><br /><br />This is an example of a convo we had yesterday:<br /><br /><br /><br />Z "wat u doin pa?"<br /><br /><br /><br />ME "nothing. at work"<br /><br /><br /><br />Z "o ok pa. howz the day goin pa?"<br /><br /><br /><br />ME "busy but it's cool"<br /><br /><br /><br />Z "thatz gud. so whatz for lunch pa?"<br /><br /><br /><br />ME "haven't thought about it yet"<br /><br /><br /><br />Z "eat something for me 2 pa. lol"<br /><br /><br /><br />((I don't respond as I'm annoyed now))<br /><br /><br /><br />Z "so pa what u doin after work pa?"<br /><br /><br /><br />((Again I ignore him))<br /><br /><br /><br />Z "well make sure you call me when you get off pa"<br /><br /><br />((I did not call))<br /><br /><br />This is partial convo as he texts me through the evening and into the night asking me what I'm doing. I should just make him sign up to follow me on TWITTER!!! I ain't tryna be rude but DAMN!!The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-19601052449278171502009-03-20T08:58:00.000-04:002009-03-20T10:42:03.587-04:00Not too farJust updating to say I'm still around. Haven't commented and haven't blogged either (DUH). But I just wanted to say hello basically. Alot is going on. Some good.....some bad. But I'm alive and any day above ground is a good day. I'm making it and things can only get better. Right?The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-48588561018836427082009-03-11T07:44:00.000-04:002009-03-11T13:11:59.522-04:00Rise and Shine<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SbenbUZJ02I/AAAAAAAAAHs/bRP5LkZ19j0/s1600-h/Sunrise.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311898373279306594" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 214px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SbenbUZJ02I/AAAAAAAAAHs/bRP5LkZ19j0/s320/Sunrise.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>When I woke up this morning, my mind immediately went back to the stress that I laid down with last night and I was tempted to just lay there and sulk for a minute. But something came over me very quickly. I said to myself, "Self, get your ass out of this bed and have a good day!"</div><div></div><br /><div>I'm sure we have heard so many times that it's counter-productive to start your day with a negative outlook. But having heard that isn't quite enough. It takes a change of mind. A change of heart. A determination that I'm going to look this day in the eye and command it to be exciting, fulfilling, and productive! </div><div></div><br /><div>So I hit the floor with an expectation of a great day. Sure, everything is not where it ought to be in my life. My self-proclaimed issues and problems are still there but they don't have to ruin my day or wear me out emotionally, physically, or mentally! I've taken control of my day.</div><div></div><br /><div>As you approach your mornings, spend time in meditation or prayer. Center yourself. Try not to sleep til the last possible minute. Look at it as an opportunity to effect change in something or someone and enjoy EVERY day. Rise and Shine!</div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-49492279901679076592009-03-05T09:26:00.000-05:002009-03-05T09:54:33.919-05:00DAMN! It's only Thursday<div><div>Where the hell is Friday? I am so sick of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lookin</span> at these co-workers and this prison cell of a cubicle already. This is the longest week EVER. UGH!!! I swear to Peter Pan I'm bout to pull one of these numbers (<em><strong>see video</strong></em>)! Well, at least he didn't go COMPLETELY postal....but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">DAYUM</span>. His ass is probably STILL <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">lookin</span> for another job. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">LMAO</span><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxRY8--6xnknzhi9eWMw6KJCGLZdtPKeEEnhDTU9XCWc0_lnT_6dUWrAnw6i6DaDFt31tZ3UA8ZRc4-A8Bpyg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5309715524775206866" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 305px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sa_mI0CaX9I/AAAAAAAAAHk/amjBMqqJZWI/s400/thought1.bmp" border="0" /></div><br /><br /><p></p></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-4179063438940848852009-03-02T15:07:00.000-05:002009-03-04T05:30:01.317-05:00Let me KISS itI absolutely <em>love</em> foreplay. Some guys overlook it in hopes of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">gettin</span> right down to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">bizness</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">LOL</span> I admit there is a time and place for the quickie but when there will be a hot freak session, I likes to take my time and get my mouth, and other body parts, wet! For me, kissing is a huge turn on!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">OHH</span> DAMN I love <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">kissin</span> (and not just the lips). Alternating and switching it up and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">gettin</span> tongues involved is good to ME!. Yes indeed, my dudes....<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">kissin</span> turns me the fuck on. Told you that I was very oral. And these are my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">kissin</span> lips:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5309028837057004610" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 257px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 185px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/Sa11mU8WhEI/AAAAAAAAAHU/G8YwwGV33DU/s320/lips.bmp" border="0" /><br />I found a list of many different types of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">kissin</span>. If you are with someone who loves to kiss...try something new and ignite the passion to another level. I picked out my faves.<br /><br /><br />+++++++++++++++++++++++++<br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">All Over Kiss</span> - It begins with kissing your partner's forehead, moving down slowly to the nose. Tenderly, with an aggressive feeling, give your partner your best kiss right on the lips. Next, move your way down and continue with your own imagination. <strong>*OH, HELL YEAH!!*</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Back Kisses</span> - Remove your partners shirt and have them lie down on their stomach. Sit comfortably over your partners lower back and start kissing from the neck all the way down their back, while softly licking & breathing where you have kissed. This will give your partner cold shivers and it is very exciting.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Earlobe Kiss</span> - Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Tongue Kiss</span> - While French kissing your partner, gently suck their tongue while it's in your mouth. This produces a wonderful, erotic feeling for both!<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Eye Kiss</span> - Hold your partner's head with both hands and slowly move their head in the direction you wish your kiss to go... then slowly kiss up towards your partner's eyes and give them a tender kiss on top of their closed eyes.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Finger Kiss</span> - While laying together gently suck on their fingers. This can be very seductive and pleasurable.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Foot Kiss</span> - An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Forehead Kiss</span> - The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">French Kiss</span> - This is the most popular type of kiss that involves kissing with an open mouth while your tongues touch each other's tongues.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Fruity Kiss</span> - Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips and kiss your partner. Nibble one half of the piece of fruit while he or she nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Hickey Kiss</span> - The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Hot and Cold Kiss</span> - Lick your partner's lips so that they're warm, and then gently blow on them. The sudden cold blast makes for a sensual explosion, and they will often try it on you next, as well as get very passionate.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Ice Kiss</span> - Take a piece of ice in your mouth and hold it on your tongue until it melts, then sneak up on your partner and quickly lick their cheek or neck. It provides a cold but great feeling.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">Lick Kiss</span> - Just before kissing, gently run your tongue along you partners lip whether it be the top or bottom one depending on the position of your lips. Very sensual.<br /></div><div> </div><div> </div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">Lip Sucking Kiss</span> - When kissing gently suck on their lower lip. This can be very exciting.<br /></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Neck Nibble Kiss</span> - Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Nip Kiss</span> - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner with a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Romantic Kiss</span> - Look at your partner with passion, then gently move in for a kiss with your lips half open. As soon as you make contact, close your lips slowly. Open and close your lips three times then move away. They'll definitely want more! </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Suck </span><span style="color:#ff0000;">Kissing</span> - A seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Shoulder Kiss</span> - Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Surprise Kissing</span> - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Strawberry Kiss</span> - Also known as the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Fruiti</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">licious</span> kiss. Eat a strawberry and kiss your partner, leaving a sweet taste in their mouth. It's fun and a really cute way to "feed" each other. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Whipped Cream Kiss</span> - Dip your finger into some cool whip or whipped cream of your choice. Lick it off slowly, then embrace your partner and kiss them deeply letting their tongue slip over yours for a wonderfully sweet kiss. It's very seductive and passionate. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Trickle Kiss</span> - Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner's mouth while kissing. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Vacuum Kiss</span> - While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss. </div><div></div><div> </div><div><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Wet Kiss</span> - Once you have been kissing enough that both of your lips are wet, with your mouth barely open, gently rub back and forth, up and down, around and around. </div><div> </div><div><br /> </div><div><strong>Hot, right? *wink*</strong></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-20343819539740931272009-03-02T11:39:00.000-05:002009-03-02T12:37:11.254-05:00What about us?<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SawZMVU4cLI/AAAAAAAAAGs/H8b1yWlJtV0/s1600-h/anger.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5308645760436826290" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 189px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SawZMVU4cLI/AAAAAAAAAGs/H8b1yWlJtV0/s320/anger.gif" border="0" /></a> Maybe I'm trippin but I am pissed off at Shine. I really don't have much room to be since he and I don't officailly date and have never expressed any real feelings beyond friendship but I found out some disturbing news about him yesterday evening. <div><div></div><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;">HE'S DATING THIS CHICK FROM MY CHURCH!</span></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I really have to sort all this out in my head. From what I was innocently told by one of our friends, they just started seeing each other. But where I find issue is that he and I have become very very good friends and we flirt feverishly and stuff and there is no way he could have possibly figured I wouldn't find out, right? I mean seriously! Like I said, she goes to church with me! I know I'm way off base even having a problem with his decision. As it is, I am kinda "seeing" Soldierboy again but I've been holding myself back while I sorted feelings for the two of them. I always knew Shine doesn't want to be openly gay and have anything get back to his peeps about he's dating a dude. I understand that first-hand and would never divulge his private dealings! I guess he chose to go the cover-up route and date this woman. She's sweet and all but I just have these thoughts in the recesses of my mind that wish he and I would take a shot at being together. </div><div></div><br /><div>I'm gonna leave him alone. I refuse to be messy or catty and try to ruin their chances at something significant. That's NOT me at all. If he wants to date a woman, then cool with me. We will be friends still but I really hope he doesn't just neglect to tell me from his own mouth that he is seeing her. What's the big secret? I thought we were better than that.....</div><div></div><br /><div><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong>Am I trippin??????</strong></span></div></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-72222092881188730942009-02-26T07:33:00.000-05:002009-02-27T10:54:41.545-05:00Ameri-can't IdolIs it just me or are we plagued yearly by those American Idol contestants that have no business making it to the top 12, let alone the top 50 or even top 10,000 for that matter?<br /><br /><div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307496558798421410" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 318px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagD__nJvaI/AAAAAAAAAFc/SvSaPH1d638/s320/american-idol-logo4.jpg" border="0" />There are always strange twists and sometimes even those we expect to see go sailing through the competition, get the boot early on.<br /><br /><div>I'm not all into it like I have been in years past but I pop in on the Fox network to see wha<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagKbrgNbNI/AAAAAAAAAGU/4_tEX2nJ4GU/s1600-h/tatiana-del-toro.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307503631506697426" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 104px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagKbrgNbNI/AAAAAAAAAGU/4_tEX2nJ4GU/s200/tatiana-del-toro.jpg" border="0" /></a>t's going on each week. Last week, I wasn't too surprised with the outcome - other than the top voted female. I mean she <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">aight</span> but I don't wanna see her week after week. One young lady named <strong>Tatiana <em>(right)</em> </strong>who I felt could do well vocally with her smoky soulful sound was a complete and utter wreck in the personality department. It was actually painful to watch her. And when she was eliminated, I laughed my ass off at how juvenile she responded. I was rather <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">shocked</span> and she should be embarrassed. Dude named <strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Anoop</span> <em>(below)</em></strong><em>,</em> who could easily pass for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Sanjaya's</span> (remember her?...I mean him?) tamer, less lady-like cousin, was a decent singer but they sent him home last week too, to my surprise.</div></div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307500481547678722" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 123px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagHkU_dNAI/AAAAAAAAAGE/rIEfsvpG_VU/s200/anoop.jpg" border="0" /> I wanted see one of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ver</span>y few Black faces make it through.<strong> Stephen Fowler</strong><em> <strong>(left)</strong></em><br /><div>has a really nice voice bu<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagFeipcJPI/AAAAAAAAAF0/cXdvyHUg0zs/s1600-h/stephen_fowler.png"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307498183110960370" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 152px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagFeipcJPI/AAAAAAAAAF0/cXdvyHUg0zs/s200/stephen_fowler.png" border="0" /></a>t he chose the wrong song. We know how that goes. I love "Rock with You" by Micheal Jackson but no, Stephen. No. The 2 fellas that made it are OK and that's really all I can say about them. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">LOL</span></div><div></div><br /><div>Wednesday night I was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">disgusetd</span> to see the antics of a certain <strong>Nick Mitchell</strong><em> <strong>(below right)</strong></em><strong>.</strong> What the F*CK? Get off the stage. How in the hell did you steal a real singer's chance with your unfunny <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">buffoonery</span> and lack of singing talent? Are you for real? I guess.<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagFtMNjz1I/AAAAAAAAAF8/TIPXBCtnbuQ/s1600-h/NickMitchell.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307498434786479954" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagFtMNjz1I/AAAAAAAAAF8/TIPXBCtnbuQ/s200/NickMitchell.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div></div><div></div><br /><div>Then there were the 2 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">sistas</span> from that night. Jeanine and Jasmine. How disappointing. I don't believe they sung what fit them. Sing something that means something. Where are the Fantasia's of AI? The Latoya London's? The Melinda Doolittle'? s REPRESENT <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">SISTAS</span>!! Please? I'm kinda glad they were sent home last night. I'm very glad Allison <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Iraheta</span> made it through and also<strong> Adam Lambert <em>(l<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagJ1m-arII/AAAAAAAAAGM/H3H2JEMp0O0/s1600-h/adam_lambert.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307502977456188546" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SagJ1m-arII/AAAAAAAAAGM/H3H2JEMp0O0/s200/adam_lambert.jpg" border="0" /></a><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">eft</span>)</em></strong> (this glam-rocker <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">lookin</span> dude can SQUALL. You better <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">holla</span> white boy! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">LOL</span>). 18 year old <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Mishavonna</span> was good too but maybe not really ready. And I can't say a word about any of it cause I didn't vote. Oops. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">LOL</span></div><br /><div></div><div>I don't get all excited about the show like I used to. I just like to see how terrible singers get up there and butcher great songs or choose the wrong ones! Like I said, not expecting much this year but I'm sure I will be commenting from time to time on the parade of disappointment.</div><div></div><br /><div align="center"><strong>HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND MY DUDES!!</strong></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-28617657593691690352009-02-24T09:50:00.000-05:002009-02-24T11:40:24.744-05:00Molestation to Maturity<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SaQYwyTeYAI/AAAAAAAAADs/VLx2TimmSlQ/s1600-h/childabuse.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306393487365529602" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 282px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SaQYwyTeYAI/AAAAAAAAADs/VLx2TimmSlQ/s400/childabuse.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">I</span></strong>'m about to share something with you guys that I have only mentioned in vague affirmative to about 3 other people in my entire life. It involves a subject of a very sensitive nature as you can tell by the title. The thing is, I have such secured thoughts and pent up emotion, fears, and wonder when it comes to this topic. It is a hidden, though very real, part of my life's history.<br /><br />I grew up in a large and very religious family unit. We were close with our extended families as well as our immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins etc. This fostered what would appear to be a very safe and enjoyable environment to grow up around. And for the most part, I have fond memories of holidays and sleep-overs with my first and second cousins. Dinners and games and the list goes on. We had a tight bond and life was pretty cool for me as a child.<br /><div></div><br /><div>I recall though, at the the age of 6 or 7, during the time of being at my grandparents home on one particular night, I was told to sleep in bed with my 16 year old uncle Larry because there was a house full of adults and children alike. You slept where you could! It was no biggie and I obliged. It beat sleeping on the floor any day. However, on that night, something very strange <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">occurred</span>. Here I am sleeping soundly in bed with my basketball star uncle with the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">jheri</span> curl that swung when he dribbled the orange ball up and down the court during his high school games. The same uncle that frequently had beautiful young ladies calling the house and dropping by my grandparents home to get his attention. The same uncle who was the baby of all the siblings. My mother's little brother. The uncle with pranks and jokes who made everyone laugh. Who made everyone comfortable - including myself......... so it didn't bother me so much (however strange) that during the night, he decided to "spoon" with me. I'm a young child feeling safe and accepted and comfy in the arms of my "cool" uncle Larry. Things might have been alright if it ended there, but true to form, it progressed to other activities. To spare you the gory details I can tell you that I assisted him in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">gettin</span> his rocks off and I had no idea where that sticky stuff was coming from as it seemed to just appear between my legs after a period or rubbing and gyrating my body on top of his. There was never any penetration, nothing ever hurt me physically, and truth be told, I felt special that he chose to be that close to me for whatever reason he chose to at the time. I had no concept of sex, so it wasn't something that I got that kind of pleasure from. He didn't even have to tell me not to tell anyone what happened. I was happy with this secret. My cool uncle Larry must think I'm cool too! He didn't take my virginity as it were, but he did take my innocence. I was seeing things that a young boy should not see (erect penis, pubic hair, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ejaculate</span>..moaning and groaning of a practically grown man). I never understood it and strangely didn't question it either.</div><div></div><br /><div>As the next 2-3 years went on, this activity continued until my family moved out state. Once I began to learn about abuse and molestation, I realized that I was actually a victim myself. But why didn't I feel the same as these traumatized people?? I did feel used and questions began to accumulate as I grew into adulthood and I wondered if what happened to me as a boy actually affected or somehow caused my growing attraction to those of the same sex. </div><div></div><br /><div>Needless to say, I'm sure (with my upbringing), I tried like hell to repress my feelings because I didn't want to go to hell for being a sissy. I dated numerous girls. My wet dreams involved females only and I really like spending time with "the ladies" and engaging in sexual talk with them. But I never had sex until I was sixteen and was shown the ropes by another dude. He eased my d*ck into his warm a$$ and I almost passed out from the pleasure. It was familiar yet not so much. And again....it felt comfortable. Natural even. So the age-old question of us being BORN GAY, still marinates in my mind. I believe with the emotions and depth of feelings I have carried for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">brothas</span> that I never have for a woman, I truly cannot come to a conclusion. Even after having been married to a wonderful woman whose story I lost interest in reading and who never wanted to see the full me. I just know what I know and feel what I feel.</div><div></div><br /><div>To this day, I have not confronted my uncle with what took place between us those innumerable times and I never told my parents. He never acted any different and has never treated me better or worse than anyone else. He talks to me like nothing ever happened and I truly would love to crawl into his head and re<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SaQiOn1hLfI/AAAAAAAAAD0/8cskpb3OowM/s1600-h/molestation.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306403895556255218" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SaQiOn1hLfI/AAAAAAAAAD0/8cskpb3OowM/s320/molestation.jpg" border="0" /></a>ad his thoughts when he sees me. There is no way he doesn't remember. Could he have blocked it out? Does he feel it was of no effect on me? I have other male cousins younger than myself and I wonder if they went through it too. Uncle Larry married and had a son of his own! Did he mess with him too? Many times this behavior perpetuates and repeats itself but I have never even fathomed the thought of touching a child in a sexual way. Child molesters repulse me to be honest. Also, many children who are abused, find themselves with very little sexual inhibition as they get older. I have had some issues there from time to time: having sex just because or having pity sex or having more than one sexual partner at a time or more than one sexual partner within the same day. In the past few years I have reeled myself in from such things. Thank God. But for whatever reason uncle Larry is uncle Larry and he's still pretty cool to me. A couple years ago I chose not to hold <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">unforgiveness</span> and bitterness but I'm not too sure I have truly dealt with it in a healing sort of way. </div><div></div><br /><div>I haven't had a complete thought on this issue...ever...until now. I'm glad I have this forum to sort my reflections and feelings a little. Thanks to you for "listening".</div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-775458214917407432.post-83140387811792709212009-02-20T09:34:00.000-05:002009-02-20T09:57:08.036-05:00I'm addicted to CARMEX<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SZ7Dzd4r_gI/AAAAAAAAADk/a269EGl9VYA/s1600-h/carmex2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5304892700052160002" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 206px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lEz4FCVGuZs/SZ7Dzd4r_gI/AAAAAAAAADk/a269EGl9VYA/s400/carmex2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>It's really a damn shame. And a little embarassing. LOL </div><div></div><br /><div>OK, so I am dressed and ready to dash out the door to work this morning. It's Friday and I can wear jeans so I wake up at the last minute, shower and do what I do. On the way to the door I check my pockets for the essentials. These include my wallet, my keys, my security badge for work and my CARMEX!! The latter of which is no where to be found. PANIC. I'm tearing up stuff. Checkin my slacks from yesterday. Checked the bathroom. Checked under the bed. Checked behind the dresser. Checked alllll over the car. Can you believe, I was almost in tears trying to find this stupid little stick of frickin CARMEX?? LOL Plus I was soon running late for work, pulling my dreads out over something that cost me like a $1.19. Told you I have OCD tendencies. Issues and problems. I finally found it in the chest pocket of my coat once I decided I could possibly make it thru the day without it and still not need therapy. LOL</div><div></div><br /><div>SIDENOTE: What happened to the mint flavored Carmex? They used to sell em at Walgreen's and now they have disappeared. I went online and found ONE, count em, 1, single, solo stick of mint flavored Carmex for $16 and change. The devil is a liar!!! </div><div> </div><div><strong><em>I know you have your own outrageous addictions. Feel free to share....</em></strong> <strong><em>I have no room to judge. LOL </em></strong></div>The Antonymhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11618987167891450016noreply@blogger.com6