Fine and Sexy...I mean CRAZY

Have you ever been sooo attracted to someone you come across...and you put on your best game to get them to hang out with you/date you/fuck you? They are the hottest thing you have ever seen. All the features and "assets" you love to love! And then after a while, once you win the prize, have you started to see signs that maybe you shoulda left that pretty package on the shelf? This person has started to let their true colors come shining through! What a daunting wake up call! Now suddenly that hot specimen is so ugly to you that you wanna run the other way screaming.

The two most "beautiful" people I have ever dated turned out to be the worst decisions I have ever made in my short life. Upon first meeting both of them my immediate reaction was "DAMN!! Looka dat booty...looka dat smile...looka dem eyes!!" So I made my move each time. One was a dude..the other was a lady. Beautiful on the outside but UGLY on the inside.

'OL GIRL:

She was a curvy and chocolate-toned beauty. I mean pageant quality. Met her at work where all the dudes salivated over this woman. Never even thought I had a chance with her. She was super pretty with ample breasts, a tiny waist, and firm calf muscles. She was ambitious and mad confident. Always put together nicely. Wore expensive clothes and fly high-heels. Hair was shoulder length and never outta place. Music played when this gal walked by. I swear! I made comments that were nice and gentlemanly (as is my method) and she smiled often. We became friends and hung out for lunch a couple time, first with others and by default one day we ended up alone at lunch. We talked and laughed and found we had many things in common. At a co-workers party one night we spent the whole time crackin jokes about some of the people there and ended up back at her place afterwards. I didn't make any advances but she asked me to sleep over. I did. Hello?! LOL No sex...just holding. Turns out she appreciated my chivalry and we started to become an item. But as time went on, she would have outbursts for no damn reason. She was insanely jealous. She would break my CDs out of spite. She would have tantruns when things were not going her way. She would cuss me out under her breath but still loud enough for people to hear it and look like a freakin demon when we'd argue in public and stir up chaos at the same time. I think I was afraid of this chick by the time I decided to call it quits. She would kick my chair at work when she'd walk by! I was like... "What is this? High school?" She started dated another fella at work just to piss me off and she would hate it when I ignored them. CRAZY!!

'OL DUDE:

Met him online (yeah I know)...anyway, he was HOT!! Yellow-bone, tall slim dancer/model. Perfect everything: skin, teeth, hazel eyes, curly mini-fro, plump bubble ass, washboard abs. He was even a lil shy at first and would blush when I'd tell him how good-looking he was (as if he had never heard that before!). I thought that was just adorable, ya'll. So we clicked and had dinner the first evening. I had met him in his city which was like an hour from me so I stayed the night. We did the touchy feely thing for a while and I got a little bored with that so I stopped. Next thing I knew he was on top of me like a jockey...slammed his tongue so far down my throat I was bout to choke. Then he yanked my pants off and swallowed my dick like it was nothing (I ain't no lil dude down there). He was gulping and slurping like he was starving for that shit. I was in awe. Couldn't even hardly moan from the change of his behaviour. I was liking the aggressiveness so I didn't complain. Every time we'd have sex it was some animal type stuff. Just raw and rough and sweaty. He would make these faces that would freak me smooth out!! This nigga LOVED some dick. But he had anger issues too. Got arrested for fighting and fired from a couple jobs for insubordination more than once while we dated. I woke up a few times and he was sittin in a chair staring at me. He'd cook and watch me it like he put something in it. He would tell me how I could never leave him with a straight face. Eventually he cheated and told me...that was my ticket out. Was only a couple months but felt like centuries. CRAZY!!

They say "You never COMPLETELY know a person. And "Pretty ain't everything" They also say that "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Sound advice, people, SOUND ADVICE!

Um, Do I Know You?

OK.. so here I go spillin my guts:

I had been in a relationship for a good four years with "Soldierboy". They were the worst of times and the best of times. You know how it goes. Started out unexpected - someone I met online for a hookup actually. Turned into one of the most invigorating and enlightening conversations I had ever had. So now, I'm attracted to AND intrigued by this fella. Yeah we had sex anyway but I wanted to get to know him and get to know him I did!

It started out wonderful. One learning experience after another and plenty of laughs. The constant exchange of thoughts and ideas on innumerable topics and issues and the sex was delicious.

Time goes by and we hit our bumps in the road. Lies, fights, deceit, CHEATING all entered the picture and we got over it eventually. I mean this is love and relationships take work. We accepted each other - flaws and all. But dude would shut down when he was upset, angry, suspicious, jealous, menstrual? (hell, I don't know). He would just stop talking. Walk past me as if I wasn't there. For days. Then he was asking me about numbers and texts in my cell phone and people on my MySpace page. Then he forbid me of hanging out with friends. He accused me of using him although (in my mind) we had agreed that I would go to school full-time and work part-time so I could obtain my degree for the better of US. Mind you, I was cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and alla dat! Needless to say, I dropped out of school and got a full-time job, coming straight home everyday and...yeah that's about it. Trapped in the house with his bad attitude while he ignored my pleas for communication. When he did speak, it consisted of things that hurt me to the core, things that still sting when I remember them.

Then I woke up one day.... Thank you, Jennifer Hudson, for "Spotlight"!!! OMG

I packed my lil stuff and moved in with a friend for a few weeks until I got my own spot. Time passed. I felt a sense of freedom. Maybe too much. I turned into a flat-out whore. (UGH typing that feels nasty. LOL) Anyway, about 3 months and too much sex later, here comes Soldierboy with the whole "I've changed" routine. I was over the sexaholic stage but not ready for the emotions and inevitable discussions. BUT now I'm caught up again. I'm in total limbo. I have seen his changes over the past couple months and I think it's genuine. It's like a whole new person. I catch myself lookin at him like... DO I KNOW YOU?

I do still love him but I don't know if I wanna go there with him again.

*SIGH*