HORNY Wrestling

You know what? I am trippin!! OK, let me see if I can get this story out. My mind is so sooo blown.

I've been hangin out with my homies alot lately, now that I'm not caught up in a semi-sorta-kinda relationship with Soldierboy or anyone else for that matter, and I've recently moved closer to where they all live. Anyway, check it out... the other day I was over my good homies crib alone with his younger brother. I will call him Pretty Tony cause he is beautiful - lookin like Columbus Short (Stomp The Yard, Cadillac Records).

Columbus Short

Pretty Tony and I joke and kid each other on the regular. I had come to consider him like a brother also since he confides in me about some things and he thinks I'm funny. LOL He's only 21 and has a cute little girlfriend. I tease them and I'm cool with her too. Back to the other day (Saturday) - he decides he wants to fake anger over something smart I said and begins wrestling with me. Punchin at me and slap-boxing. It was hella funny and when we made physical contact we ended up on the floor. He starts biting me softly and it's turning me the hell on. He smells like a fresh shower and even his breath is on point! I'm trying like hell to bring my mind in cause my dick is happily aware of the pleasure of this grappling and close proximity to this young stud with a hard body in nothing but basketball shorts. He's making me say "Uncle" and call him "The Best".... I'm thinking, "The best WHAT, NEGRO?" LOL Let me find out.... LOL I grab his ass and he laughs....I lick his nipple cause it's close to my mouth, damnit... he laughs. I'm testing this dude left and right and he just laughs.. Uh huh, keep on laughing boy.... We haven't had the gay talk but I get the idea that he knows wasup even though he asks me about my sexcapades specifically with women.

So I "give" and he jumps up like some damn champion but I notice his dick was hard too. Now I'm sweating from my dirty imagination going wild. I grab his dick through the shorts in the most non-sexual way possible (as if) and I'm prepared for him to pounce on me again. He does... and grabs my dick too by the shaft and squeezes a little (it's hard, remember). I don't wanna give the impression that I'm going to try him so I throw him off me and we are BOTH laughing hyterically. I was hot and bothered for the rest of the day. I had to go home and bust one! Granted, my body wants to turn this fella out but it would be CRAZINESS if his brother were to find out. Either way, I don't want to be the one responsible for him loving booty and dick. I will just stick to my fantasies. That's good, right? What would YOU have done? Shit! LMAO

Wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I got a "HAPPY BDAY SEXY" text at 12:04 AM. It was the first birthday wish I received...and it was from Shine. SHIT, I miss that nigga! Excuse my language but I'ma say it how I feel. So anyway, yep... I'm another year older...or should I say better? In my eyes, I'm better because I have grown and learned and matured and settled on some things over the part year. But by the end of the day I will be subject to the long line of questions from my family especially: "Sooo you're not married yet?" "When you gonna buy a house?" "We just ain't gon get NO kids outta you, huh?". Now, as much as it will be nice hearing from them and I know there will various forms of celebration going on today, I will be worn to shreds by the time I lay down it tonight.

I plan on hookin up with the homies and getting dinner, playing pool and having some drinks. I kinda want some cake too. My sweet-tooth is on level 10!! WTF? LOL We're not doin much... I mean it IS Monday!! But this coming weekend, it will be hell to pay for somebody's city cause we gon ack a fool. LOL I want to write down things I wanna do while out of town so I don't forget. I'm thinkin me and the fellas may drive up to DC for a couple days. I have to finalize with them tonight. Sure, we COULD have celebrated this past weekend but something I have always hated is having my birthday so close to a holiday! Don't combine my festivities with all that other foolishness! LOL I'm special. DAMNIT! LOL

Soldierboy and I have grown more apart over the past 6 or 8 weeks and I'm cool with that. I don't really need BIRTHDAY SEX if it's out of obligation but I sure as hell need some BIRTHDAY SEX from some damn body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have to write that one down! My little big man in my pants will constantly remind me of what he needs! (wink) So if you were wondering what to get me, I will be accepting that gift.....oh, and money is never out of style either! LMAO

I'm excited. I turned 35 and it feels pretty good. Some peeps didn't live to see this age. Gets you thinkin... ya know?

And it IS gonna be a good year. I swear!

Let me KISS it

I absolutely love foreplay. Some guys overlook it in hopes of gettin right down to bizness. LOL I admit there is a time and place for the quickie but when there will be a hot freak session, I likes to take my time and get my mouth, and other body parts, wet! For me, kissing is a huge turn on!! OHH DAMN I love kissin (and not just the lips). Alternating and switching it up and gettin tongues involved is good to ME!. Yes indeed, my dudes....kissin turns me the fuck on. Told you that I was very oral. And these are my kissin lips:


I found a list of many different types of kissin. If you are with someone who loves to kiss...try something new and ignite the passion to another level. I picked out my faves.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++


All Over Kiss - It begins with kissing your partner's forehead, moving down slowly to the nose. Tenderly, with an aggressive feeling, give your partner your best kiss right on the lips. Next, move your way down and continue with your own imagination. *OH, HELL YEAH!!*




Back Kisses - Remove your partners shirt and have them lie down on their stomach. Sit comfortably over your partners lower back and start kissing from the neck all the way down their back, while softly licking & breathing where you have kissed. This will give your partner cold shivers and it is very exciting.




Earlobe Kiss - Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.


Tongue Kiss - While French kissing your partner, gently suck their tongue while it's in your mouth. This produces a wonderful, erotic feeling for both!



Eye Kiss - Hold your partner's head with both hands and slowly move their head in the direction you wish your kiss to go... then slowly kiss up towards your partner's eyes and give them a tender kiss on top of their closed eyes.



Finger Kiss - While laying together gently suck on their fingers. This can be very seductive and pleasurable.



Foot Kiss - An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.



Forehead Kiss - The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.



French Kiss - This is the most popular type of kiss that involves kissing with an open mouth while your tongues touch each other's tongues.



Fruity Kiss - Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips and kiss your partner. Nibble one half of the piece of fruit while he or she nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths.



Hickey Kiss - The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.



Hot and Cold Kiss - Lick your partner's lips so that they're warm, and then gently blow on them. The sudden cold blast makes for a sensual explosion, and they will often try it on you next, as well as get very passionate.



Ice Kiss - Take a piece of ice in your mouth and hold it on your tongue until it melts, then sneak up on your partner and quickly lick their cheek or neck. It provides a cold but great feeling.

Lick Kiss - Just before kissing, gently run your tongue along you partners lip whether it be the top or bottom one depending on the position of your lips. Very sensual.

Lip Sucking Kiss - When kissing gently suck on their lower lip. This can be very exciting.

Neck Nibble Kiss - Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.

Nip Kiss - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner with a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.

Romantic Kiss - Look at your partner with passion, then gently move in for a kiss with your lips half open. As soon as you make contact, close your lips slowly. Open and close your lips three times then move away. They'll definitely want more!

Suck Kissing - A seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Shoulder Kiss - Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.

Surprise Kissing - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.

Strawberry Kiss - Also known as the Fruiti-licious kiss. Eat a strawberry and kiss your partner, leaving a sweet taste in their mouth. It's fun and a really cute way to "feed" each other.

The Whipped Cream Kiss - Dip your finger into some cool whip or whipped cream of your choice. Lick it off slowly, then embrace your partner and kiss them deeply letting their tongue slip over yours for a wonderfully sweet kiss. It's very seductive and passionate.

Trickle Kiss - Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner's mouth while kissing.

Vacuum Kiss - While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.

Wet Kiss - Once you have been kissing enough that both of your lips are wet, with your mouth barely open, gently rub back and forth, up and down, around and around.

Hot, right? *wink*

Molestation to Maturity

I'm about to share something with you guys that I have only mentioned in vague affirmative to about 3 other people in my entire life. It involves a subject of a very sensitive nature as you can tell by the title. The thing is, I have such secured thoughts and pent up emotion, fears, and wonder when it comes to this topic. It is a hidden, though very real, part of my life's history.

I grew up in a large and very religious family unit. We were close with our extended families as well as our immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins etc. This fostered what would appear to be a very safe and enjoyable environment to grow up around. And for the most part, I have fond memories of holidays and sleep-overs with my first and second cousins. Dinners and games and the list goes on. We had a tight bond and life was pretty cool for me as a child.

I recall though, at the the age of 6 or 7, during the time of being at my grandparents home on one particular night, I was told to sleep in bed with my 16 year old uncle Larry because there was a house full of adults and children alike. You slept where you could! It was no biggie and I obliged. It beat sleeping on the floor any day. However, on that night, something very strange occurred. Here I am sleeping soundly in bed with my basketball star uncle with the jheri curl that swung when he dribbled the orange ball up and down the court during his high school games. The same uncle that frequently had beautiful young ladies calling the house and dropping by my grandparents home to get his attention. The same uncle who was the baby of all the siblings. My mother's little brother. The uncle with pranks and jokes who made everyone laugh. Who made everyone comfortable - including myself......... so it didn't bother me so much (however strange) that during the night, he decided to "spoon" with me. I'm a young child feeling safe and accepted and comfy in the arms of my "cool" uncle Larry. Things might have been alright if it ended there, but true to form, it progressed to other activities. To spare you the gory details I can tell you that I assisted him in gettin his rocks off and I had no idea where that sticky stuff was coming from as it seemed to just appear between my legs after a period or rubbing and gyrating my body on top of his. There was never any penetration, nothing ever hurt me physically, and truth be told, I felt special that he chose to be that close to me for whatever reason he chose to at the time. I had no concept of sex, so it wasn't something that I got that kind of pleasure from. He didn't even have to tell me not to tell anyone what happened. I was happy with this secret. My cool uncle Larry must think I'm cool too! He didn't take my virginity as it were, but he did take my innocence. I was seeing things that a young boy should not see (erect penis, pubic hair, and ejaculate..moaning and groaning of a practically grown man). I never understood it and strangely didn't question it either.

As the next 2-3 years went on, this activity continued until my family moved out state. Once I began to learn about abuse and molestation, I realized that I was actually a victim myself. But why didn't I feel the same as these traumatized people?? I did feel used and questions began to accumulate as I grew into adulthood and I wondered if what happened to me as a boy actually affected or somehow caused my growing attraction to those of the same sex.

Needless to say, I'm sure (with my upbringing), I tried like hell to repress my feelings because I didn't want to go to hell for being a sissy. I dated numerous girls. My wet dreams involved females only and I really like spending time with "the ladies" and engaging in sexual talk with them. But I never had sex until I was sixteen and was shown the ropes by another dude. He eased my d*ck into his warm a$$ and I almost passed out from the pleasure. It was familiar yet not so much. And again....it felt comfortable. Natural even. So the age-old question of us being BORN GAY, still marinates in my mind. I believe with the emotions and depth of feelings I have carried for brothas that I never have for a woman, I truly cannot come to a conclusion. Even after having been married to a wonderful woman whose story I lost interest in reading and who never wanted to see the full me. I just know what I know and feel what I feel.

To this day, I have not confronted my uncle with what took place between us those innumerable times and I never told my parents. He never acted any different and has never treated me better or worse than anyone else. He talks to me like nothing ever happened and I truly would love to crawl into his head and read his thoughts when he sees me. There is no way he doesn't remember. Could he have blocked it out? Does he feel it was of no effect on me? I have other male cousins younger than myself and I wonder if they went through it too. Uncle Larry married and had a son of his own! Did he mess with him too? Many times this behavior perpetuates and repeats itself but I have never even fathomed the thought of touching a child in a sexual way. Child molesters repulse me to be honest. Also, many children who are abused, find themselves with very little sexual inhibition as they get older. I have had some issues there from time to time: having sex just because or having pity sex or having more than one sexual partner at a time or more than one sexual partner within the same day. In the past few years I have reeled myself in from such things. Thank God. But for whatever reason uncle Larry is uncle Larry and he's still pretty cool to me. A couple years ago I chose not to hold unforgiveness and bitterness but I'm not too sure I have truly dealt with it in a healing sort of way.

I haven't had a complete thought on this issue...ever...until now. I'm glad I have this forum to sort my reflections and feelings a little. Thanks to you for "listening".

Um, Do I Know You?

OK.. so here I go spillin my guts:

I had been in a relationship for a good four years with "Soldierboy". They were the worst of times and the best of times. You know how it goes. Started out unexpected - someone I met online for a hookup actually. Turned into one of the most invigorating and enlightening conversations I had ever had. So now, I'm attracted to AND intrigued by this fella. Yeah we had sex anyway but I wanted to get to know him and get to know him I did!

It started out wonderful. One learning experience after another and plenty of laughs. The constant exchange of thoughts and ideas on innumerable topics and issues and the sex was delicious.

Time goes by and we hit our bumps in the road. Lies, fights, deceit, CHEATING all entered the picture and we got over it eventually. I mean this is love and relationships take work. We accepted each other - flaws and all. But dude would shut down when he was upset, angry, suspicious, jealous, menstrual? (hell, I don't know). He would just stop talking. Walk past me as if I wasn't there. For days. Then he was asking me about numbers and texts in my cell phone and people on my MySpace page. Then he forbid me of hanging out with friends. He accused me of using him although (in my mind) we had agreed that I would go to school full-time and work part-time so I could obtain my degree for the better of US. Mind you, I was cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and alla dat! Needless to say, I dropped out of school and got a full-time job, coming straight home everyday and...yeah that's about it. Trapped in the house with his bad attitude while he ignored my pleas for communication. When he did speak, it consisted of things that hurt me to the core, things that still sting when I remember them.

Then I woke up one day.... Thank you, Jennifer Hudson, for "Spotlight"!!! OMG

I packed my lil stuff and moved in with a friend for a few weeks until I got my own spot. Time passed. I felt a sense of freedom. Maybe too much. I turned into a flat-out whore. (UGH typing that feels nasty. LOL) Anyway, about 3 months and too much sex later, here comes Soldierboy with the whole "I've changed" routine. I was over the sexaholic stage but not ready for the emotions and inevitable discussions. BUT now I'm caught up again. I'm in total limbo. I have seen his changes over the past couple months and I think it's genuine. It's like a whole new person. I catch myself lookin at him like... DO I KNOW YOU?

I do still love him but I don't know if I wanna go there with him again.

*SIGH*