During the sermon today, my Pastor made a simple yet profound statement. He said "Jealousy is the fear of being replaced". I was astounded and was hung on that simple truth for the rest of the day! I have so often wondered what is the cause of that adverse reaction when someone is in your "territory". When we feel that someone will step in and be a better version of us....leaving us out in the cold.
Envy is slightly different. Envy speaks to wanting what someone else has. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is your wanting to become THEIR replacement. Interesting? I thought so.
I thought of the numerous times in relationships, especially when we learn what it is that our partner is drawn to or appreciates in a mate, we have the green-eyed monster rise up in us when those traits are in the room or perhaps have caught out lover's eye. How many times have you asked "What you lookin over there for!?" or "You see something you like?!" or "I see you peepin that nigga!" LOL A fight is sure to erupt after such jealousy-enduced outburts.
At what point does one get jealous? Just from a glance or stare? Or when there is conversation with that person? Or when there are phone numbers being exchanged? Or when our mate leaves the room to take certain phone calls? Or when he/she has become suspect of spending too damn much time with someone else? Memories are poppin up, huh? LOL Yeah I been through it too.
How does one control jealously, though? Is it all based in trust? Or is there a need for a complete mind change within ourselves first? Getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of your partner, it means getting a handle on your own emotions. But how do you do that? Or is it even necessary?? I've also heard it said that jealousy is a GOOD thing. It's been said that true love is jealous because it's the right relationship. A husband should jealously guard his love with his wife, and vice versa, because it's an exclusive right relationship. But there has to be a demarcation point, a thin dividing line that prevents that emotion from becoming fatal attraction or some shit.
I'm going to say the best practice would be openly communicating with your sweetheart to establish boundaries and simply give mutual respect. The Golden Rule goes a long way here. I wouldn't dare say I have it under control. I still roll my eyes when Soldierboy holds a glance for too long. But because I know I look too, I keeps my head together and move on with life because it's too damn short to be trippin off my overactive imagination or the fear of being replaced.