Thursday, August 13, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
...want the best out of life but...
...don't allow the best in my life
...have a wall up that turns certain people off
...fall in love too easily but...
...am too selfish to have only one sex partner so...
...wasn't cut out for a relationship. Could it be?
...feign confidence to cover insecurity
...should never have gotten married or...
...should have just stayed married
...am too scared to actually capture my dreams
...fear failure AND fame
...should just pack up and move to D.C. like I've been contemplating
...wish my mom was still alive
...have addictions that include drugs or alcohol
...want more than I deserve
...tend to bite off more than I can chew
...am just hurt, confused, perplexed, and stressed
...could be happy if I accept happiness
...choose to refuse depression. But who wants that anyway?
...just don't know
Friday, June 5, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
I was just thinking on the things that seem to have influenced me as a person. There are many... but I feel that MUSIC is easily the most powerful thing to ever really happen to me, aside from God of course. Music has the power to encourage or educate, to evoke laughter or a myriad of thought. Then there is baby-makin music and chill music and music that makes you dance. Even deeper than all of that, music can literally change you. I was listening to Jill Scott's "Who is Jill Scott" CD earlier and remembered vividly the very day that I first heard it in it's entirety. I was driving home from work on a rainy and cloudy afternoon with one of my homies. I had purchased it at lunch and waited until after work to open it up. I popped it in and allowed her words and sounds to gently massage and enlighten me. We both rode in total silence - hypnotized and captivated by the fresh sweetness of this voice, this force that was taking us on a journey of answering the question: "Who is Jill Scott?". That was one of the most powerful moments that I have experienced with music. (Congrats to her and her fiance, by the way, on the birth of her first baby - JETT HAMILTON ROBERTS born on April 20th) There are some other CDs/albums that have done the same type of thing to me. They mark significant and memorable times in my life and they never ever get old to me. Most of them were introductions by artists that I am now a huge fan of. I'm almost afraid to list them as I know the list is largely incomplete and as soon as I publish this post, there will be countless others that come to mind. But either way, I just took a quick mind inventory and here is what I came up with:
Norman Brown - After the Storm
Lalah Hathaway - Self-Titled
Will Downing - A Dream Fulfilled
Anita Baker - Rapture/Compositions
Donnie - Can't recall the CD name. Help!
Mary J. Blige - My Life
Milira - Back Again
Jennifer Hudson - Self-Titled
Ledisi - Lost & Found
Kim Burrell - Everlasting Life
Israel Houghton - Live From Another Level
Sunny Hawkins - More of You
Fred Hammond - Pages of Life
Donnie McClurkin - Live in London
Kirk Franklin - The Rebirth
Donald Lawrence - Law of Confession
Kim McFarland - New Life
What has changed your life? Any significant music?
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
He is to have surgery on his mid section (lipo-suction or something), a brow lift, stretching his chin somehow, and a chemical peel. All these procedures seem so unnecessary in my view. But I also see flaws with my own look that I have wished were different at one time or another. Like my lips and nose. They are...um...ethnic. LOL It used to make me self-conscious through my teen years but I have since embraced my ethnic features and it hasn't seemed to block me from attracting attractive people. You feel me? As a matter of fact, I get mad love for my full lips now but I was teased as a kid. Granted, I know there is more to it than attraction. I guess. But I don't have the personal goal of becoming a super model or to be propped up sittin in front of a movie camera. I ALMOST get it when film, television, print media, and music stars feel the need to stay pretty but what about the average Joe. Is it really that serious? Folks have to go through various stages of psychological evaluations to be approved for cosmetic surgery from what I understand. Is the answer always "I just want to look better!"?
And what about the inherent dangers of going under the plastic surgeon's knife? I have seen faaaar too many mutilated faces. People who no longer even look like themselves. Can you imagine passing a mirror and having to take a second glance because you don't recognize your own face? Frightening. The two best known cases I can come up with are Micheal Jackson and unfortunately...Lil Kim. They both were nice looking individuals. Natural, ethnic. Then they changed little by little until it was way too much . In my opinion they both appear artificial to me. Like plastic bots. I appreciate their art, their craft, their contributions to entertainment, but I can hardly look at them without shaking my head in curiosity and awe.I just wonder if we are sickeningly obsessed with youth and beauty. I know it's not just the gay men's plight but this generation or probably more so this society and era of fashion and Next Top Models that makes people fulfill the urge to have their faces rearranged just to remain relevant and desirable.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
This is an example of a convo we had yesterday:
Z "wat u doin pa?"
ME "nothing. at work"
Z "o ok pa. howz the day goin pa?"
ME "busy but it's cool"
Z "thatz gud. so whatz for lunch pa?"
ME "haven't thought about it yet"
Z "eat something for me 2 pa. lol"
((I don't respond as I'm annoyed now))
Z "so pa what u doin after work pa?"
((Again I ignore him))
Z "well make sure you call me when you get off pa"
((I did not call))
This is partial convo as he texts me through the evening and into the night asking me what I'm doing. I should just make him sign up to follow me on TWITTER!!! I ain't tryna be rude but DAMN!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
I found a list of many different types of kissin. If you are with someone who loves to kiss...try something new and ignite the passion to another level. I picked out my faves.
All Over Kiss - It begins with kissing your partner's forehead, moving down slowly to the nose. Tenderly, with an aggressive feeling, give your partner your best kiss right on the lips. Next, move your way down and continue with your own imagination. *OH, HELL YEAH!!*
Back Kisses - Remove your partners shirt and have them lie down on their stomach. Sit comfortably over your partners lower back and start kissing from the neck all the way down their back, while softly licking & breathing where you have kissed. This will give your partner cold shivers and it is very exciting.
Earlobe Kiss - Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.
Tongue Kiss - While French kissing your partner, gently suck their tongue while it's in your mouth. This produces a wonderful, erotic feeling for both!
Eye Kiss - Hold your partner's head with both hands and slowly move their head in the direction you wish your kiss to go... then slowly kiss up towards your partner's eyes and give them a tender kiss on top of their closed eyes.
Finger Kiss - While laying together gently suck on their fingers. This can be very seductive and pleasurable.
Foot Kiss - An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.
Forehead Kiss - The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.
French Kiss - This is the most popular type of kiss that involves kissing with an open mouth while your tongues touch each other's tongues.
Fruity Kiss - Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips and kiss your partner. Nibble one half of the piece of fruit while he or she nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths.
Hickey Kiss - The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.
Hot and Cold Kiss - Lick your partner's lips so that they're warm, and then gently blow on them. The sudden cold blast makes for a sensual explosion, and they will often try it on you next, as well as get very passionate.
Ice Kiss - Take a piece of ice in your mouth and hold it on your tongue until it melts, then sneak up on your partner and quickly lick their cheek or neck. It provides a cold but great feeling.
Neck Nibble Kiss - Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.
Nip Kiss - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner with a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.
Romantic Kiss - Look at your partner with passion, then gently move in for a kiss with your lips half open. As soon as you make contact, close your lips slowly. Open and close your lips three times then move away. They'll definitely want more!
Suck Kissing - A seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.
Shoulder Kiss - Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.
Surprise Kissing - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.
Strawberry Kiss - Also known as the Fruiti-licious kiss. Eat a strawberry and kiss your partner, leaving a sweet taste in their mouth. It's fun and a really cute way to "feed" each other.
The Whipped Cream Kiss - Dip your finger into some cool whip or whipped cream of your choice. Lick it off slowly, then embrace your partner and kiss them deeply letting their tongue slip over yours for a wonderfully sweet kiss. It's very seductive and passionate.
Trickle Kiss - Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner's mouth while kissing.
Vacuum Kiss - While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.
Wet Kiss - Once you have been kissing enough that both of your lips are wet, with your mouth barely open, gently rub back and forth, up and down, around and around.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I wanted see one of the very few Black faces make it through. Stephen Fowler (left)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I'm about to share something with you guys that I have only mentioned in vague affirmative to about 3 other people in my entire life. It involves a subject of a very sensitive nature as you can tell by the title. The thing is, I have such secured thoughts and pent up emotion, fears, and wonder when it comes to this topic. It is a hidden, though very real, part of my life's history.
I grew up in a large and very religious family unit. We were close with our extended families as well as our immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins etc. This fostered what would appear to be a very safe and enjoyable environment to grow up around. And for the most part, I have fond memories of holidays and sleep-overs with my first and second cousins. Dinners and games and the list goes on. We had a tight bond and life was pretty cool for me as a child.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
In all that, I failed to mention that someone else is in the picture. As you can imagine, this dude showed up out of the blue. Flashed that smile and gave me butterflies. Made my hands sweaty when we'd see each other. Got me feelin some kinda way when I wasn't lookin. I'll call him Shine (due to the way I light up when he's around). He is slim and chocolate brown. Handsome with dark eyebrows and boyish charm. He is a friend of a friend. This mutual friend lives in another state and made sure Shine and I met since we now live in the same city. At first I thought he was cute but unassuming. But our conversation over Olive Garden salad and breadsticks turned him into a mystery unfolding. I was smitten by the end of the night. Of course there was much more to see and discover and I felt adventurous. Mind you, this was during the time that Soldierboy and I were on sharp rocks and I was free to be me. I pursued Shine in a subtle way. Never overbearing in my approach to potential boyfriends, lovers, suitors, whatever you wanna call em. He caught my hints. The look in his chestnut-brown eyes and the bulge in his pants whenever we'd give those "See you later" hugs told me he was feelin me too. When we talk its hushed and warm, almost seductive. But I never wanted to rush him because he seems so bashful and reserved. The couple months that we have hung out and integrated a few friends over dinner or a movie have been bittersweet because we have unspoken feelings for each other and it's painfully obvious. I won't say I love him. I don't. But it's something. I buy him gifts on the whim and text him everytime I think about him. He does the same things. I ALMOST feel like I'm cheating on Soldierboy now that we are seeing wasup. But Shine and I have not so much as even kissed. I'm in turmoil. I mean, do I go for what I know and stick to the familiar yet tainted life I've been living or open up and take a chance at something that could possibly be a dream come true???
Friday, February 6, 2009
*I'm a PK and a military brat.
*I've lived in 9 different cities, 5 states, 2 countries.
*My favorite color is GREEN (color of life...oh and MONEY).
*My favorite food is Italian.
*I hate flower prints on ANYTHING in my house.
*I lost my virginity when I was 16 to another 16 year old dude.
*I want to visit Egypt, Italy, and Japan very soon. Just because.
*Sometimes I laugh so loud I have to tell MYSELF to keep it down.
*I used to drink Dr. Pepper with every meal - including breakfast.
*I tend to wear Hip Hop gear. Considered the 'thug' amongst my group of friends but I'm totally not a thug.
*I would never date a thug but that saggin is fuckin SEXY!
*I have a wild addiction to the male ass! I stare on the cool. Love pics especially when there is hair down there. LOVE it.
*I own so many CDs that I have them stored at three different locations.
*I want children but I don't want to get married again.
*Oh yeah - I was married once.
*As a kid I loved fried bologna and grape jelly sandwiches. Now I DETEST bologna!
*During sex I am very very oral. I will put my mouth about anywhere.
*I've had sex in cars, bathrooms, clubs, and outside.
*I still wonder why Smurfette was the only female Smurf. I bet she was BUSY!!
*I have an Ipod but I've never used it.
*I was a thespain in high school.
*On stage, I've played a preacher, a British guy, a cave dweller, a child, a gay prince (LOL), a dancer, a Puerto Rican gangster, an abusive father, and a judge.
*My best feature is my lips (not counting my third leg. LOL)
*I love 80s "Soft Rock" music.
*I wear glasses just for the look.
*The movie 'Candyman' actually scared me.
*I used to have a huge crush on Tevin Campbell.
*I've listened to grown folks music since I was 10.
*I will mix Vodka with....anything.
*I've never lost or broken a cell phone.
*I have OCD tendencies.
*I've never hit my nieces or nephews and I buy them random stuff.
*I smoked weed once and it made me hella horny. And hungry too, of course.
*I say LisaRaye is the most beautiful, sexy, fine woman EVER.
*I think that's quite enough
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I am excited to see what happens. She indeed LOOKS far better than I have observed in years. So let's hope that the woman who was the object of my affection during my puberty still has at least some of what it takes to make a solid comeback. It's been a long time coming so let's hope for the best. I don't know if she is performing at the awards show. There was no mention of that but hopefully in the near future, a living legend can regain her composure AND her throne. Some 'blasts from the past' need to remain in obscurity, but the industry could use what Whitney has if she delivers it right: real music and powerhouse vocals. We've seen the emergence of some real singers lately like Ledisi and Jazzmine Sullivan and Fantasia and Jennifer Hudson nem....but this is one lady I wouldn't mind seeing rejoin the ranks.
But adding insult to injury, she decides to come to work for the past week and a half with the most mack truck sounding cough I have ever heard. Sounds like she is chokin' on a Doberman. Take that germ-infested bark to the house and kill it with good drugs like the rest of us do! Our office is generally pretty quiet until she erupts!! Half the time I jump and consequently roll my eyes so hard I think I'm bout to pass out. I'm not insensitive to the sick but she has health insurance (she was so forthcoming in tellin me all the details about the policy *rolls eyes again*)... so USE IT! And did I mention she smokes like a '72 Pinto?? Must be 10 packs a day. She takes more smoke breaks than should be allowed by law and brings that funk into my vicinity and then spreads all that gunk together so I can inhale it. She and my boss are buddies and I wish he would move her hackin ass down there by HIS office. I don't need this agitation and disturbance! Oh, but let me sneeze and she will be the first one screaming "DISINFECT!! HAHAHA" You ain't funny, ho!
I am furious and just had to tell somebody. LOL
Monday, February 2, 2009
I slept through the Super Bowl. *shrugs* Who performed the half-time show anyway??
All I really felt like doing was sleeping. It's entirely too cold to be running the streets. The hawk was out and I hate for my face to be cold. So yeah. I slept. Alot. How boring. Maybe I AM getting old.
Is it really February already?? Time is flying by so gangsta. I really have to commit to accomplishing something significant this year. Now I'm rambling so I'll shut up for now...but I'm so serious.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I am a 30-something Bi-sexual (leaning toward Gay) Black Male. Considered good-looking, I stand 5'9" and rock 165 lbs but this ain't no personal ad so who cares. My thoughts vary greatly on music, fashion, sex, pop-culture, news, God, and life in general. Everything about me is not GAY or even BLACK so who knows what might fly outta my brain. I consider myself somewhat of an artist. I can naturally do many creative things we call "art" but none of them well enough to go professional. Go figure. My image is protected for reasons I will explain as we take this journey together but I vaguely look like this (locs and all):
I love to write and have done so for a number of years: articles, reviews, fantasty, short stories and so forth. This is a little new to me and I am a novice but I think I have learned some very valuable rules and such for blogging and I hope to provide some interesting things to read about, ponder, argue, laugh at, or even question but that's how it goes around here, right?
I suppose that's enough for now. I think I'm going to enjoy this outlet.
BTW: I'm at work and I feel sneaky as hell. LOL Oh well..........