Tuesday, February 17, 2009

You can get with this! Or you can get with that!

Yo fellas! I've been so frickin busy and I actually just returned from somewhat of a vacation over the "long" weekend. Life is back to normal now, though....sort of. I briefly gave a rundown of the 4 plus years that Soldierboy and I have been giving each other various doses of joy and pain. I also mentioned that we recently have been spending many hours together and to be honest it's been pretty nice. Valentine's day was sweet and all. I even told him I love him because I do - despite the fact that I'm in a state of uncertainty when it comes to completely tearing down my walls. I've removed bricks and allowed his words and gestures to gently stroke me again in those protected places of my heart.

In all that, I failed to mention that someone else is in the picture. As you can imagine, this dude showed up out of the blue. Flashed that smile and gave me butterflies. Made my hands sweaty when we'd see each other. Got me feelin some kinda way when I wasn't lookin. I'll call him Shine (due to the way I light up when he's around). He is slim and chocolate brown. Handsome with dark eyebrows and boyish charm. He is a friend of a friend. This mutual friend lives in another state and made sure Shine and I met since we now live in the same city. At first I thought he was cute but unassuming. But our conversation over Olive Garden salad and breadsticks turned him into a mystery unfolding. I was smitten by the end of the night. Of course there was much more to see and discover and I felt adventurous. Mind you, this was during the time that Soldierboy and I were on sharp rocks and I was free to be me. I pursued Shine in a subtle way. Never overbearing in my approach to potential boyfriends, lovers, suitors, whatever you wanna call em. He caught my hints. The look in his chestnut-brown eyes and the bulge in his pants whenever we'd give those "See you later" hugs told me he was feelin me too. When we talk its hushed and warm, almost seductive. But I never wanted to rush him because he seems so bashful and reserved. The couple months that we have hung out and integrated a few friends over dinner or a movie have been bittersweet because we have unspoken feelings for each other and it's painfully obvious. I won't say I love him. I don't. But it's something. I buy him gifts on the whim and text him everytime I think about him. He does the same things. I ALMOST feel like I'm cheating on Soldierboy now that we are seeing wasup. But Shine and I have not so much as even kissed. I'm in turmoil. I mean, do I go for what I know and stick to the familiar yet tainted life I've been living or open up and take a chance at something that could possibly be a dream come true???


deonte' k said...

I would love to help you answer your question, but it's a hard decision right? But you have to make it u feel me. I personally would "take a chance at something that could possibly be a dream come true." I hate to go backwards. Only because I've done it b4... then find myself wondering how it would have been if I did this or that? DO what make you happy, and what feels good to you. ;) Good Luck!

Losojosnuevos said...

You're in precarious situation. I would say continue purusing a FRIENDSHIP with Shine while you and Soldierboy decide the fate of y'all relationship. Who can you see yourself with longterm? Are either of your suitors DL? For me, that would be a major factor in my decision-making process. Keep us posted.

The Antonym said...

DEONTE' K- You're right, plus I don't have the time or energy to entertain both. *sigh* Thanks for the vote of confidence.

LOS- That's what I'm leaning towards. And truthfully both of them are somewhat DL due to professional and family situations (as am I) sooooo that both helps and hinders me.

deonte' k said...

The Antonym: Ur welcome buddy... so know u gotta keep us up to date on what's going on lol. ;)